


No Masters or Kings

by ellembee



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, F/M, RMS Titanic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-09
Updated: 2015-05-24
Packaged: 2018-02-24 16:44:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 40,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2588816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellembee/pseuds/ellembee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They called it the ship of dreams. Katniss’s only dream was to escape Lord Snow and his grandson, Cato, once they reached America and make a new life for her family. She never imagined she’d meet a man like Peeta Mellark her first night on board. Historical AU set on the Titanic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. April 10, 1912

Despite listening to Cato brag for weeks about the Titanic’s magnificence as if he had built it himself, Katniss had never been able to form a clear mental picture. 

It was enormous. It made her feel small and insignificant, much like everything else in her life. She missed the squalid apartment she had shared with Prim, her mother, her aunt Violet, and three cousins with a fierceness she never would have believed possible a few weeks prior. But life would be better now. It was a promise she had made to herself and to Prim. They would float to New York on this giant ship, and disappear into the middle of the country to start a new life.

“Katniss, find us a porter.”

Katniss tore her eyes away from the ship to find Lord Snow impatient at her side.

“Grandfather.” It was only one word, but Cato made it sound like a threat. He was belligerent by nature, but he was usually very careful about choosing his battles with his grandfather. She didn’t understand why he would object to a request for Katniss to perform her duties. 

“Allow me,” Cato offered. His words were directed toward Snow, but his hand found the small of her back.

Katniss had been a maid at the Snow Estate for a year and a half, and Cato was always finding excuses to touch her. She never understood why he chased her when there were more attractive (and more willing) options. Glimmer, for example, would have reflected his lecherous gaze like a mirror.

The first time he approached Katniss, she had been dusting the furniture in an empty guest bedroom. He had come up behind her, grabbed her around the waist and pulled her against him.

“Hello, beautiful,” he said. “I believe it’s time for your afternoon break.”

Katniss stomped on his foot and he released her.

“There’s no need for violence,” Cato purred. “You should save your energy for other endeavors.”

“I think there has been a misunderstanding about my position in this house, sir.” Katniss remained surprisingly calm even as anger and embarrassment threatened to spill out of her in an expletive-laced outburst.

“My dear, there are many positions you can hold in this house.” Cato mashed his face against hers, his hand tight around her neck, his tongue forcing its way into her mouth. She bit down until she tasted blood. He pushed her into the wardrobe with a curse and stormed out of the room.

Almost a week passed before Lord Snow had summoned Katniss to his study, and instead of losing her job she had learned her true worth.

Katniss watched Cato disappear into the crowd in search of another porter, leaving her trapped in a strained silence with Lord Snow. Cato’s aunt Effie was on the other side of the car, supervising the chauffeur as he unloaded her luggage from the car. 

“What a lovely dress,” Snow observed.

Katniss smoothed the skirt self-consciously. The dress _was_ lovely, a rich green satin with silk trim that likely cost several months of her wages, but she felt obvious and out of place wearing it, especially in front of Snow. She felt like an impostor.

“A gift from my grandson, I presume?”

He sounded annoyed, which was a surprise. Such an extravagant gift should have pleased him. It had flustered Katniss the night before when Cato had presented it to her with the request that she wear it to the port. She was used to gifts from him: delicious desserts she could share with Prim, glittering combs for her hair, expensive pieces of jewelry she planned to sell in the future. The dress, however, had startled her. It felt different from his previous gifts. It felt less like he was giving her something and more like he was taking something away.

“Yes,” Katniss answered. 

She wished her mother and sister would arrive. Everything felt terribly overwhelming, and she knew Prim would feel the same way. Prim would need a steady presence, someone to assure her that everything would be alright, that they would be alright once they reached America. Katniss felt selfish wishing fear and anxiety onto her sister, but it was the only way she could overcome it herself.

“Look, I’ve fetched four hands to help,” Cato announced, two porters trailing behind him.

“My grandson, always exceeding expectations.” The sarcasm in Snow’s voice did not go unnoticed. 

Katniss walked away, uninterested in watching the standoff between the two men. She needed to find Prim and her mother. Katniss had stayed at a nearby hotel with Lord Snow, Cato, and Effie the night before, but Prim and her mother were making the long trip from London to Southampton this morning. Katniss worried they would be late. Third class was boarding soon.

Katniss, on the other hand, had first class accommodations as Effie’s personal maid. She hated the idea of being separated from Prim, but she was grateful they were at least on the same ship. Snow could have delayed her family’s passage to America for weeks or months. He could have refused to bring them at all.

A sleek black car pulled up in front of Katniss. It was the newest model from Snow’s production line, a carbon copy of the vehicle already loaded on board the ship. Prim jumped out of the backseat into her sister’s arms.

“Oh my,” whispered Prim as she gaped at the Titanic over Katniss’s shoulder. “It’s enormous. How does it stay afloat?”

Already Katniss’s anxiety was shrinking into a small, manageable ball that she could shove to the back of her mind.

“I’m not sure,” Katniss said. “But Lord Snow says the ship is unsinkable. It has no choice but to float.”

“Perhaps your mother and sister should get in line? They must go through a health inspection before boarding,” Lord Snow said with a hint of disdain.

Katniss scowled once his back was turned. She loathed the fact that Prim and her mother had to be inspected like cattle. They didn’t carry any diseases. Mrs. Everdeen had recovered from her deadly cough a year ago, shortly after moving out of her sister’s cramped apartment and into the cottage located in the back of the Snow Estate. They were well fed and healthy. Whenever Katniss felt sick with herself and her actions, she remembered Prim’s healthy glow and knew it was worth it.

Katniss pulled her sister into once last hug.

“I brought it with me like you asked,” Prim whispered into her ear. “It’s in my satchel.”

“Thank you.” Katniss kissed Prim’s cheek and watched her little family walk down the pier.

Prim carried a letter from Johanna Mason, Katniss’s first friend in London. Johanna had walked around with a perpetual scowl, snapping at anyone who looked at her the wrong way, but she had watched out for Katniss at the textile factory where they had both worked. Johanna left shortly before the incident that got Katniss fired with the declaration that she was going to America to find a new life—one that didn’t involve a cramped dirty factory and a nasty old man bossing her around.

Katniss never saw her again, but months later, Johanna sent a letter to Aunt Violet’s apartment. Katniss couldn’t read. She never had the opportunity to learn with all the farm work that needed to be done, and her father had not been very encouraging when it came to educating women. Prim had taken lessons from an aging neighbor in the early evening after her chores were done, and she practiced with whatever type of literature she could get her hands on.

Prim read the letter aloud over and over until Katniss had it memorized. She no longer needed the physical copy, but she liked keeping it nearby. It was proof that a better life existed out there for her and her family.

_It’s beautiful here_ , Johanna had written. _It’s not as green as I imagine Ireland to be, but you’ll love it. If you can find a way, you should join us. Land is cheap. You can disappear here._

Johanna had included an address, some farm in Montana. Katniss would get them there. She had been saving a little at a time. Once she figured out the best way to travel to Montana and sold her collection of jewelry, she would take Prim and her mother and disappear. It had to be soon, shortly after reaching New York. She knew she was wearing out her usefulness.

Soon, Lord Snow would no longer need her, and she was afraid what would happen once she became worthless.

“Come along, Katniss,” Cato said. “It’s almost time to board.”

***

A few months ago, shortly after Snow had purchased boarding passes for the Titanic, Glimmer cornered Katniss in the kitchen after they had cleared away breakfast, her blue-eyed gaze sharp and cold.

“Don’t you have family here?” Glimmer demanded. “You’re leaving them behind to be his mistress?” Glimmer tried to sound disgusted, but Katniss could hear the longing in her voice. Glimmer had parents and two sisters living in London, but she knew Glimmer would leave them behind without a second thought.

Katniss didn’t answer, not wanting to set off the unpredictable blonde. Glimmer envied the gifts Katniss received, the less strenuous tasks she was assigned, and now this, the grandest of all opportunities, had fallen right into her lap.

Glimmer glared at the jeweled barrette in Katniss’s hair. Katniss hated the decoration and the angry looks it earned from the staff. She only wore it to please Cato. He told her when it sparkled beneath the lights of the chandelier, it looked as if it was winking at him, letting him in on a private joke.

“Are you coming back?”

Katniss wanted to lie and delay Glimmer’s wrath for as long as possible, but nothing stayed secret in the mansion for long. The only secret that remained was the deal Katniss had unwillingly made with Snow. Everything else was dragged through the house, servant to servant to master. 

“I’m to stay on as a maid at Snow’s Estate in New York,” Katniss said.

“How lucky for you. And your family?” Glimmer demanded. “Your precious little sister?”

Katniss stared down at the checkered kitchen tile, unable to look at Glimmer’s face. “My mother and sister are coming too.”

Glimmer ripped the barrette out of Katniss’s hair, yanking out several dark strands in the process. Katniss bit her tongue to keep silent and backed into the wall. She would not fight Glimmer, but she also would not give Glimmer the satisfaction of seeing her in pain.

Glimmer dropped the barrette and crushed it beneath her worn boots. “Do you think you’re untouchable? You’re nothing,” she sneered. “When you first arrived, I thought you were simple. Harmless. I had no idea you had it in you, spreading your legs for master and grandson.”

“I’m not—”

“They’ll destroy you,” Glimmer warned.

***

Katniss still woke in the middle of the night thinking she was back home. Not the cramped, foul-smelling apartment she had shared with Aunt Violet and her cousins, but her real home: the farm in Cork. With her eyes closed, she imagined she was back in that hard, narrow bed, her sister sleeping quietly beside her, her parents in bed a few feet away. They were almost always hungry, dirty, and sore, but it was their home. It was the only kind of happiness Katniss had ever known. She wasn’t sure she could rewrite the definition now. She wasn’t sure there was another kind.

While she had grown more used to the lavish taste of the elite, her gaze still lingered on possessions in Snow’s household she could never hope to own: a painting of a meadow, a plush Persian carpet, a soft mattress. She puzzled over other possessions: a suit of armor, a statue of a naked woman, dozens and dozens of shoes. How could so many people go hungry while others had more money than they knew what to do with? So much money that a suit of armor felt like a worthwhile purchase? It was baffling.

The Titanic was a new lesson in excess. If the Snow Estate felt like a castle, then the Titanic was a royal palace. Katniss wanted to appear aloof, but she couldn’t help her wide eyes and parted lips as she followed Cato up the Grand Staircase. Her hand trailed along the smooth dark wood of the bannister. She passed paintings, statues, and chandeliers, each decoration more exquisite than the last. 

Cato and Lord Snow were staying in a parlor suite, which included two bedrooms, a private bathroom, and a private section of the promenade deck. It was one of the most expensive rooms available.

“It’s about making a statement,” Cato had told her. “If you don’t have others envying you, what’s the point?”

Katniss was relieved to be staying in a separate cabin with Effie. It was less grand, but Katniss didn’t care. She would have been perfectly happy in the belly of the ship with her sister.

Cato opened the door to her cabin with a flourish, and Katniss stepped inside.

“Why don’t you get some rest?” Cato said. Despite being smaller than Cato’s suite, it still contained two bedrooms, a sitting room, and a private bath. “It was a long drive from London last night, and we were up early this morning.”

Katniss didn’t point out that Cato’s definition of early differed greatly from hers. She was used to early, first as a farmer’s daughter, then a factory worker, and now a maid. She wanted to explore the ship and confirm that her mother and Prim had settled in, but she did not want to upset Cato so early into the journey. The ship hadn’t even left port yet. 

“Are you sure? Shouldn’t I help Effie unpack?”

“You don’t have to help Effie with a thing. You’re not our maid anymore.”

“Of course I am,” Katniss said. “It’s my job. That’s why I’m here.” 

Snow’s exact words were “Effie’s personal maid,” although Katniss didn’t know the first thing about helping a lady dress or fix her hair. Part of her wanted to remain at the estate in London, be free from Snow for a while, but he would come back eventually. And when he did, he would be without Cato, without a reason to keep her any longer. She couldn’t afford three tickets on her own yet, and she wanted to save the jewelry for purchasing land.

“You are our travel companion,” Cato said as he walked into Katniss’s bedroom. He looked over his shoulder and winked. “A close companion.”

“I don’t think people would approve of an unchaperoned woman traveling as your companion.”

“But you are chaperoned! Effie is here to watch over you. When people ask who you are, tell them you’re a second cousin, tell them you’re a Snow. They won’t need further explanation.” He patted the bed, and reluctantly, Katniss sat down.

“Don’t worry,” Cato said with a wolfish grin. “It’s a big bed. This is the only time you’ll be sleeping alone.”

He left after a long kiss and the request that she braid her for bed that night. Once she heard the outer door shut, she laid down in her feather soft bed that smelled of salty air and the sea and allowed her body to relax. Her muscles ached with the strain of the past several days. She fell asleep as the ship began to move.

***

“Rise and shine, dear. It’s time to dress for dinner!” Effie’s cheerful voice pulled Katniss out of a deep, comfortable sleep. She had been dreaming of Ireland.

Katniss sat up and stretched. “Won’t I be dining later with the other maids?”

Effie opened Katniss’s traveling trunk and dug through the clothes inside. “Cato has asked I help you dress for a dinner with the family in the dining room.”

Cato’s words from earlier returned to her. Was he really going to force her to carry out this charade? Present herself as Katniss Snow? She doubted Lord Snow would appreciate her borrowing his legacy.

“I can’t eat in there,” Katniss said. She couldn’t imagine herself dining with the elite. Traveling among them would be difficult enough. “Besides, I wanted to visit my sister before dinner.”

Effie paused in her search. “I don’t believe that’s a good idea.”

“Why?” When Effie remained silent, Katniss joined her at the trunk. “Why not? They’re on the ship, aren’t they?” She grabbed Effie’s arm. “Aren’t they?”

Katniss imagined Prim standing beside their mother on the port, calling her name as the Titanic sailed away. Already there were miles and miles of sea separating her from England.

“Yes, of course. I saw the tickets myself. It’s only that Cato doesn’t want you visiting.” At Katniss’s glare, Effie hurried on, “At least not yet. He wants you to acclimate to your surroundings first. Maybe tomorrow?”

Fine. Katniss would play her part for the evening, but tomorrow she would not ask permission. She had to see Prim and make sure everything was all right.

“How’s this for dinner?” Effie asked, pulling out a deep blue dress with black lace covering the bodice.

“I couldn’t possibly borrow one of your dresses, Miss Effie,” Katniss said, stepping back into her subservient role. What was she thinking grabbing Effie’s arm and scowling at her? Back home, Effie would have dismissed her with a sharp word, but here she was smiling and draping the dress over Katniss’s body. 

“Katniss, this is your dress.” Effie gestured to the trunk she had been searching through. It was Katniss’s trunk, yes, but Katniss had packed it herself two days ago. There had been no such finery then.

“I don’t…” Katniss touched the green satin of her sleeve and knew that Cato hadn’t just bought one dress. He had purchased a new wardrobe. She felt sick. “Yes, that’s perfect for dinner. Thank you, Miss Effie. Shall I help you dress?”

“Oh Katniss, we both know you do not have a clue when it comes to being a lady’s maid. I’ll help you dress, and once you see how it’s done, you can help me.”

Katniss nodded, unsure why Effie was so comfortable in Katniss’s change in status. She may have been Cato’s aunt, but she had to demur to the men in her life no matter what. From her father to her late husband and then back to her father, Effie had always been subject to the demands of men. Katniss wondered if Effie planned on remaining in New York. She would still have to deal with Cato, but he was more manageable than Snow.

“I promise you,” Effie said. “You will look marvelous in this dress.”

***

Katniss stared at the menu in front of her, panic creeping up her throat. She couldn't decipher any of the words before her. She glanced over at Cato, but he was deep in conversation with an older man with an ashy gray mustache. Effie was next along with Snow, a few other men, and a woman whose dress sparkled underneath the numerous chandeliers.

Could she point to an option, or would that seem silly or rude? Was it appropriate to ask the waiter for a recommendation, or was it not his place to make a suggestion? 

A young man with dark hair and a white uniform approached their table. Katniss's stomach clenched as he stopped beside her. If only he had begun on the other side of the table, she could have copied someone else’s order. Briefly she considered interrupting Cato's conversation, but she was still furious with him for barring her from her sister. She also didn't want to risk angering him as he would be insufferable for the rest of the evening. She could imagine his scolding: "You interrupted an important conversation, Katniss. Remember your place."

"Good evening. What can I get for you tonight?" the waiter asked.

Katniss had felt out of place since arriving at the port in that ridiculous green dress, masquerading as one of the elite. She had thought she would be traveling as a maid, and instead Cato had forced a new role upon her without any proper instruction. She had no clue what forks and spoons and knives to use, or how to introduce herself or hold a conversation. She didn’t know who she was. All she had was a first name.

This waiter's question was the culmination of an entire day's anxiety. Now she would be found out. She would embarrass Cato who would yell at her later behind a closed door even though this was his fault. Worse, her ignorance would amuse Snow. She couldn't bear giving that man an ounce of pleasure.

"Miss?" the waiter prompted.

She felt eyes on her, although they may have been imagined. She refused to look up from the menu. Sweat dotted the back of her neck as she contemplated what to say.

"Might I suggest the roast duck?"

Katniss looked up to find the vacant seat across from her now contained a boy who looked not much older than her. He was incredibly handsome: a halo of blonde hair, bright blue eyes, a charming smile. But what struck her most was how kind he looked. For the first time all day, someone was looking at her and she didn't feel judged. He looked at her like she was a regular girl.

"That sounds wonderful," Katniss said. 

"Make it two," the boy said. The waiter moved down the row.

"Thank you," said Katniss. She wasn't sure why he had come to her rescue. Maybe he was as arrogant as Cato and thought she needed a man to tell her what to order, but she doubted that. He had seen her struggling and without knowing the reason, he had saved her.

The boy held out his hand. "I'm Peeta Mellark."

Katniss smiled, her first real smile of the day. She took his hand. "I'm Kat--"

Suddenly, Cato reached out his arm and spoke over her. "This is Katniss Everdeen. And I'm Cato Snow, her fiancé."

Effie let out a gasp. Cato ignored her and shook Peeta’s hand. Katniss stared at Cato, shock spiraling into anger. She was furious with this boy, this ridiculous, smug boy who changed her identity at a whim. Maid to cousin to fiancée, but always a whore underneath. Who would she be when he finally tired of her and cast her aside?

A fallen woman. Unfit for anything but a brothel.

Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Snow’s reaction, which was no reaction at all. He simply glanced over at the unfolding drama and then returned to his conversation.

This couldn’t be what Snow had wanted when he called her into his study last year. Cato was testing him, using her as a pawn in whatever twisted game he played with his grandfather. Cato was unaware that she was Snow’s pawn too, a quiet double agent, trapped in a game she could never win.

***

Despite living in the Snow Estate for four months and cleaning it from top to bottom daily, Katniss had never been inside Snow’s study. Mrs. Sae forbade any of the maids from entering. Lord Snow kept it locked anyway.

It was a Friday afternoon when Mrs. Sae informed Katniss that Lord Snow wished to see her. Heart pounding in her chest, Katniss approached the study door and gave it a timid knock. Snow’s voice ordered her inside.

She pushed her fear and intimidation aside and entered, eyes avoiding Snow’s imposing figure behind the huge mahogany desk and taking in the rest of the room. There was no dust, no dirt, no disorder. She wondered if Mrs. Sae was allowed inside, or if Snow cleaned it himself. She had never seen him pick up a dirty dish, but he seemed like the type of person who would complete an important task no matter how degrading rather than risk someone else doing it incorrectly.

Katniss wasn’t sure why the study was off limits. She supposed Snow kept important documents in there. Maybe even his rumored pistol. It appeared to be a completely ordinary room, albeit less ostentatious than the rest of the house. It was full of rich shades of dark chestnut, walls lined with impressive looking books, and a white sofa positioned in front of an inviting fire. 

Katniss sat in the hard back chair in front of Snow’s desk. As she locked eyes with him, the real reason he prohibited anyone from entering dawned on her. It added to the mystery that was Coriolanus Snow. She didn’t know what to expect. She was uncertain and nervous just as he intended.

“I hear an incident occurred last week between you and my grandson,” Snow said. No pleasantries, no skipping around the issue. Katniss appreciated bluntness, but she was horrified that this was what Snow wanted to address. She would have preferred a subtle sinking into the topic, a hint that this was what he wanted to discuss. She had suspected as much but hoped she was wrong.

Heat crept up the back of her neck and reddened her cheeks. 

“I’m not sure what you’re referring to, sir.” Katniss stared down at her hands, folded primly in her lap. She couldn’t get fired. Not again.

“I believe this conversation will be much easier if we agree not to lie to each other, Miss Everdeen.”

She looked up at him, shocked at how he was addressing her. He called all of the servants by their first name, even Mrs. Sae who was in charge of the entire household. Now that she thought of it, she had never heard him address her as Katniss. All he had to do was beckon her over and she came. Was he trying to flatter her? Or was he mocking her?

She considered her options. She could blame Cato and risk Snow’s wrath. It was unlikely Snow wanted to hear his grandson was propositioning the help. Would he believe her anyway? What if he thought she had tried to seduce Cato? He could dub her untrustworthy, immoral, turn her out onto the streets…

“Nothing happened,” she said. “It was a misunderstanding.”

“I understand nothing untoward happened, but if my grandson approaches you again, I want you to accept.”

She squirmed in her seat, unsure if she had heard him correctly. “I’m sorry?”

“Miss Everdeen, I think you and I could help one another.”

“I appreciate the consideration, Lord Snow, but you have helped already by giving me this job.”

“My son, Seneca, is in America laying the groundwork for Snow Industries to become international. I believe he and Cato are planning a hostile takeover. I want you to spy on Cato.”

“Spy?” What a ridiculous word to fall out of her mouth. What an idea.

“You’re quiet, Miss Everdeen. I never hear you approaching or leaving. I never notice you at all. As a maid in this house, you could easily eavesdrop on private conversations or steal his correspondence. As his mistress, however, he will confide in you.”

“I don’t think—”

“He’s quite taken with you. And my grandson loves to show off. If there’s a plan to usurp my position, he will drop hints, brag about his intelligence. He’ll think you don’t understand, that you are too dull and starry eyed to grasp the situation. But you won’t be. I believe you’re smarter than you let on.”

“Why me?” Katniss asked quietly. “Why not Glimmer? She’s much prettier and…” Much more willing, Katniss didn’t add. She didn’t want to force Glimmer into the situation, but she had a feeling Glimmer would jump at the opportunity. 

“Glimmer is a bit obvious, don’t you think?” Snow gave her an appraising look. “As I said before: you are quiet. Unassuming. A little bird who will parrot back what she learns.”

“Lord Snow, you’re asking me to—to—allow Cato to—” She couldn’t say the word, couldn’t fathom it. She was a virgin. She had never even kissed a boy. While she had no intention of marrying and no societal reason to keep her purity intact, she did have her dignity. She didn’t want to be a rich man’s plaything. She didn’t know anything about seduction or lovemaking. And she didn’t want to learn. 

“Miss Everdeen, may I remind you what a comfortable position you have in my home: a bed to yourself, plenty of food to eat. A monthly wage to share with your family.”

“Yes sir, I’m so grateful—”

“I hear your mother’s been ill.”

Katniss froze. She knew the conversation had taken a turn, knew Snow was circling her now, ready to swoop in as she revealed her weakness. Maybe he was right. Maybe she was smarter than most people gave her credit for, but she couldn’t see a way out of this.

“How do you know that?”

“Very little goes on that I do not know about.” Snow leaned forward in his chair and offered an awful smile. “A room has opened up in the servants’ cottage out back. There’s enough room for your mother and your sister. Prim, is it?”

“Yes. It’s Prim.”

“Perhaps some rest and a visit from a proper doctor will do your mother well.”

The deal was tempting. Snow knew exactly what to offer to lure her in, but she couldn’t agree. Trade her body for improved living quarters and a visit from a doctor? Her mother would get better on her own. She was a healer, and she knew what needed to be done. Her mother may not be the vibrant, nurturing woman Katniss remembered from childhood, but she wouldn’t want this for Katniss. No matter how desperate their situation was becoming.

“Thank you for your kind offer, Lord Snow, but my mother and Prim have a home.”

“Are you aware, Miss Everdeen, what would happen if you were dismissed from my home under uncertain circumstances?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Neighbors would talk. Rumors would spread. It would be difficult to find another position.”

“I haven’t done anything wrong.” She tried to steel herself, kept her voice steady and strong, but it trembled on the last word.

“Maybe you could return to the factory. Or perhaps the brothel? They don’t discriminate there.”

Her throat burned with unshed tears, but she would not cry in front of this man. When she had lost her job at the factory, Aunt Violet had threatened to kick all of them out: Katniss, Prim, her mother. Violet was livid that Katniss would throw away what she deemed a “perfectly good job.” Aunt Violet had accused her of being soft and spoiled, thinking herself superior to her cousins. Her complaints only stopped after Katniss had moved into Lord Snow’s home as a maid. With a room to sleep in and food to eat, Katniss needed very little of her wages. She sent the majority to her mother to help pay for the basic necessities. Her mother still wasn’t working. Prim helped look after Aunt Violet’s children and complete the laundry Violet did for the families who had enough money to outsource the task but not enough to hire live-in help.

Most nights Prim’s hands were red and raw, but she never complained. 

“What if he doesn’t ask me again?” Katniss finally said.

“He will.”

***

As Katniss readied herself for bed, her thoughts returned to dinner and to Peeta. He had been correct: the roast duck was delicious. Unfortunately, he didn’t get the opportunity to taste his as he excused himself after the first course. His brother had never shown up to dinner, and Peeta had been worried.

Before leaving, Peeta had come around to her side of the table and taken her hand once more.

“It was wonderful to meet you and your fiancé,” he had said, eyes never leaving hers. “Have a good evening.”

He had held her hand for only the briefest of seconds, but she felt his touch long after. Her whole body had hummed from the pleasure of meeting him, from exchanging a few words, and even now, hours later, she felt an odd kind of excitement. It was an unfamiliar and strange feeling. She wasn’t sure she liked it, but she hoped she saw him again all the same.

Her bedroom door burst open. Cato filled her doorway, his mouth a thin, hard line. He was angry even though she had been on her best behavior all day. She had even braided her hair as requested.

She wondered if this had something to do with Peeta. Back in London, she rarely left the house except to run an errand for Mrs. Sae or cross the backyard to visit her family. She was contained. But now Cato had thrust her out into the world not caring how she or anyone else felt about the matter. He had never anticipated that others would appreciate his effort.

“Why did you say you were my fiancé at dinner?” Katniss asked.

“I don’t want to talk tonight,” Cato said. He wrapped a hand around her braid and pulled her head toward him. Her neck ached from the angle and her lips felt bruised when the kiss ended.

“Take off your nightgown,” he said.

Katniss did as she was told and laid down on the bed. Most nights with Cato, she tried to detach herself, float out of her body. Sometimes she made the journey to Ireland, to the farm she was born in, grew up in, lost everything in. Of course, then, she hadn’t realized there was more to lose.

But tonight, Cato would demand her attention and her vocal participation. She had to be the girl he wanted. As Cato lowered himself on top of her, she closed her eyes and pictured the boy from dinner with his bright blue eyes and kind smile. 

And then she kissed him back.


	2. April 11, 1912

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who read and enjoyed the first chapter! You can find me on tumblr at andthisisthewonder where I am currently going through a Mockingjay spiral. I expect it to last well into the new year.

Shortly after Cato fell asleep, Katniss slipped out from underneath his arm and out of bed. The dark transformed her room into a foreign, scary place. She felt as if she would reach the end at any moment, that she would take a step and find only empty air. 

She crept forward until her knee bumped a chair. She grasped it to keep it from dragging across the floor and to help orient herself. Her hand grazed the dress draped across the back, and she grabbed it before tiptoeing into the sitting room.

Katniss switched on the light, pulled on the dress, and examined her wrists. They ached from Cato’s tight grip. She glanced back at her door, worried he would wake while she was gone, but she needed to escape this room. She needed fresh air and a moment alone.

Briefly, she considered making the trek down to third class to visit Prim and her mother, but they were likely asleep, and she didn’t want to disturb them.

Katniss climbed the grand staircase until she reached the door that led to the boat deck. The sharp April air bit her cheeks, but she found it refreshing. Finally, she could breathe. While her dress kept her fairly warm, she longed for the simple maid’s uniform she wore at the estate or the plain blue frock she had worn on the journey from Ireland to England, but both were gone.

The thought fueled a burst of anger. Cato had taken everything she had and cast it away without permission. He may have viewed them as only clothes, but they were all she had left from Ireland and the only possessions she had owned for so long.

At least Cato had left the jewelry. Without it, she would be helpless in America. She had some money saved, but the journey to Montana would be expensive, not to mention the cost once they arrived.

Electric lamps lit her path forward past empty benches and covered lifeboats. As she walked alongside the gymnasium, she heard a crash up ahead. Worried that someone had fallen, she rushed forward.

“I thought we were going to settle this like gentlemen.”

She stopped before turning the corner. The voice sounded familiar. Flattening herself against the outside wall of the gymnasium, she listened.

“I tried to be a gentleman about this, but look what you boys have driven me to. I want my money!” A new voice, rougher and angrier. 

“How did you get on board?”

“That’s none of your concern.” Not just angry. Dangerous. 

A gust of wind whipped her hair into her face. Her eyes watered, and her ears ached from the cold. The frosty air no longer felt refreshing. Instinct warned her that this was a dangerous situation, but she took a few cautious steps forward.

“You would follow us to New York for two hundred pounds?”

“Two hundred?” The angry voice broke off into cruel laughter. “Try a _thousand_.”

One thousand pounds? Katniss earned less than ten pounds each month. These men were arguing over a sum that would take a decade for her to earn.

She peeked around the corner, and saw the boy from dinner pinned to the outside of the first class lounge by a dark-haired man.

“Looks like your brother is a bigger liar than you suspected. I think I need to send him a message.” The man yanked a knife out of his pocket and pressed the blade to Peeta’s cheek.

Katniss’s mind emptied, and she charged toward them. Right before impact, she crouched and aimed for the man’s waist. Speed, surprise, and her body weight sent her and the man crashing onto the deck. The knife bounced out of his hand, and he cursed.

By the time he clambered to his feet, Katniss was already standing, knife held it out in front of her.

“What the hell is this?” the man demanded.

“I think you should leave now,” Katniss said. Her heart hammered in chest, and her knees ached from the fall, but she stood her ground. She didn’t understand what was going on, but she didn’t need to. She wasn’t going to let whoever this man was harm Peeta.

“And I think you’re in over your head. Is this what they’re teaching proper young ladies nowadays?”

Katniss moved forward until the tip of the knife grazed the underside of the man’s chin.

“Do I look like a proper young lady to you?” 

Despite her fear, her hand remained steady, and she felt…powerful. She could cut this man. If he tried to hurt her or Peeta, she would make him bleed.

“Wait.” The man looked her up and down. “You look familiar. I saw you at dinner tonight.” A grin broke across his face. “My mistake. You’re not a lady. You’re Cato Snow’s whore.”

Peeta’s fist connected with the man’s face with an awful crunch.

“Don’t you ever refer to her that way again,” Peeta said. “You will treat her with respect. Considering she has your knife, I thought that would just be common sense.”

“Don’t think he hasn’t bragged about you, Katniss.” The man’s words came out muffled as he staunched the blood flow with the sleeve of his coat. “He went into exquisite detail last time I saw him.”

“Leave,” Katniss repeated.

“Or what? Are you going to fetch an officer? I’m the one bleeding. Who do you think they’ll arrest?”

“No,” she said. “I’ll fetch Cato, and tell him you put your hands on me, and if you know him at all, you know he doesn’t like people touching his things.” 

It pained her to refer to herself as one of his belongings, but she knew the threat would resonate. Cato was as well known in high society for his charm as he was for his temper.

And, of course, his last name. He was untouchable.

“This isn’t over,” the man said with a jab of his finger.

Katniss stared at his retreating back. Her adrenaline abandoned her in a rush, leaving her hands trembling. She had wanted to cut him. She _would_ have cut him.

Cato would be proud.

“Katniss? Are you alright?” Peeta asked.

His question shocked her out of her thoughts. He had been thrown against a wall and threatened with a knife, but he was concerned with her well-being? She examined his face. No cuts. 

“I’m fine,” she said and handed him the knife. Peeta approached the railing and threw it into the Atlantic.

“You should have kept it,” Katniss said, joining him. She looked down at the black water, surprised again at the height of the ship. “Just in case you see him again.”

“I’d rather not resort to violence.”

“I don’t think you have a choice with a man like that.”

“Marvel. That was Marvel.” Peeta shook his head. “I’ve only known him a few months, but he was always friendly. Until now.”

Katniss was tempted to tell him that money complicated everything, but she suspected Peeta already knew that. Besides, it wasn’t her place to comment on a situation she knew nothing about.

“Maybe I can have you follow me around?” Peeta said. “I wouldn’t mind a personal bodyguard.”

“You seemed just fine once the knife was out of his hands,” she said. “That was quite the punch.”

Marvel may have been taller, but Peeta was broader, maybe even stronger.

“Not my finest moment,” he admitted. “But it was…rude. What he said.”

His word choice reminded her of Effie lecturing Cato at the dining room table back in London. She couldn’t help asking, “Do you attack all rude people? What about those who put their elbows on the table during a meal? Do they deserve a more serious punishment?”

He laughed, but when he spoke again, the humor was gone from his voice. “It wasn’t just rude. It was awful. He insulted you.”

“You hardly know me,” she snapped. She wasn’t sure where this fury was coming from. She knew what she was, and she understood how the world viewed her, but his ignorance about her identity turned his compliment into an insult. He may as well have called her a whore himself. “I don’t need you defending my honor.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You didn’t upset me. I’m not a proper little lady that needs to be handled carefully.”

“I can see that,” he said. “I’ve never seen a proper lady tackle a man before.”

“Please, don’t let my impropriety rub off on you.” She pushed herself away from the railing, ready to return to her room.

“Please,” he said, a step behind her. “That’s not what I meant. It was a compliment. It was… I’m sorry. Again. I don’t have much experience talking to—”

“Whores?"

He winced. “You shouldn’t refer to yourself that way.”

“There are worse things to be.” She hadn’t intended for to sound so solemn, but she couldn’t help it. She could be starving. She could be dead.

He considered her for a moment, but his face gave nothing away. Thanks to Marvel, it wasn’t hard to figure out she was already sleeping with Cato, but that was only half the truth. While it was not socially acceptable to sleep with your betrothed before the wedding day, it was not as if it never happened.

If Peeta figured out the rest though, he would see her as a harlot, no better than a prostitute.

“I was going to say women anyway,” Peeta said.

“Really. A young, rich, and, I’m assuming, unmarried man can’t hold a conversation with a woman?”

“I’m not saying I can’t. It’s different at those ridiculous parties. ‘Good evening, you look lovely, how are your parents?’ They’re not real conversations.” He shrugged. “I’m not sure I’ve ever had a real conversation with anyone.”

“No one?”

“It’s not their fault,” he said. “It’s how we were raised. We all have our part to play. Doesn’t it feel that way to you sometimes? Like everything has already been determined? You just need to act it out.”

While Katniss had never imagined she would end up here, adrift in the middle of the ocean, caught between two men who could destroy her with ease, a certain inevitability followed her around. But she couldn’t surrender to the helplessness. She had to believe that she could escape, that she could reach Montana and a new life for her and her family.

“Yes. I know what it’s like to never feel in control.” 

She looked out at the ocean once more, but everything beyond the railing was a curtain of black. It made the world feel vast and unknowable, too much for one girl to handle.

“Is your engagement to Cato an example? Wait.” Peeta threw up his hands before she could respond. “That was not an appropriate question.”

Katniss shrugged. She didn’t know what was considered taboo in polite society, although she suspected having a conversation with a man, alone, at night, was much more inappropriate than his question. But her anger had completely vanished, and her trembling had subsided, and talking to Peeta was…pleasant. His voice made the world seem a little smaller, a little more manageable. 

She didn’t want to return to her cabin where the dark threatened to swallow her whole.

“No, it’s okay. You’re right. Cato is…” She trailed off. “It wasn’t exactly my idea.”

“When I get home, I am to court Delly Cartwright, propose within a year, marry in a grand ceremony, and produce a dozen beautiful blonde babies.” He waved his hand. “Give or take a few babies.”

“And whose plan is that?”

“My mother’s,” he said. “She’s a very good planner.”

“You’d rather marry someone else?”

“Well,” he said with a cursory glance. “I do prefer brunettes.”

Katniss hoped they were far enough away from the lamps that Peeta could not see the blush blooming on her cheeks.

This was ridiculous. She should not be blushing and flirting with a man she barely knew. Cato was asleep in her bed only two decks below them! The problem was not that she owed Cato her loyalty. After all, she updated his grandfather on any suspicious activity. But she was trying so hard to maintain a careful balance between Cato and Lord Snow. She couldn’t suddenly throw a third man into the mix just because he was the first person in almost two years to speak to her because he wanted to, not because he required something from her. 

“I should get back to my room.”

Peeta’s face fell. “I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable.”

“You apologize too much. It’s not that. It’s like you said. We all have our parts to play. Mine is Cato’s fiancé.”

“Right. Of course.”

“Goodnight, Peeta.” 

She had only taken a few steps when he called out, “Wait!”

He grabbed her hand, and sparks jumped across her skin. She tried to extinguish the feeling, but it ran deep. She felt the burn in her bones, and she wanted.

“Will you be eating breakfast in the dining room tomorrow morning?”

“I assume so.” He still held her hand as if afraid she would scurry away otherwise. She wished he would release her. The sensation running through her was unfamiliar and a little terrifying.

“When?” he asked.

“Whenever Cato decides.”

“Okay. Tomorrow then.” Peeta let go of her hand and nodded. She immediately missed its warmth.

“Tomorrow what? I didn’t give you a time.”

“I’ll see you at breakfast,” he promised.

***

The next morning, Cato strolled out of Katniss’s bedroom, his suit jacket draped over his shoulder. Katniss followed him into the sitting room, robe wrapped tightly around her.

“Good morning, Aunt Effie,” he said. “I see you’re already dressed for breakfast.”

Effie’s eyes widened, but she remained quiet.

“Can you help Katniss dress? I’ll be back in a half hour.” Without a please, thank you, or a second glance at his aunt, he left.

Effie’s mouth was a thin, hard line. Katniss steeled herself for the scolding she was sure to receive. Effie knew, of course, about Katniss’s relationship with Cato, but Effie had never seen it displayed so brazenly. And to be treated like Katniss’s maid instead of the other way around!

“Come along, dear,” Effie said. “Let’s get you ready.”

No harsh words. Not even a disapproving frown in her direction. Katniss could hardly believe it. She followed Effie back inside the bedroom.

Effie plucked a pale yellow dress from Katniss’s trunk and handed it to her. It was light and delicate with a cream sash she tied around her waist.

“I want you to be careful,” Effie said as she twisted Katniss’s hair into a simple updo. “You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.”

“I think I do.” She had seen Cato’s temper and heard Lord Snow’s quiet machinations. She knew how this family operated and what it meant for her own.

“The only thing worse than being my nephew’s mistress would be to live as his wife.” 

Their eyes met in the mirror. Katniss’s throat burned with embarrassment and shame. She wanted to explain the situation to Effie or ask her advice. She wanted to tell her how much it meant that someone cared about what happened to her, but all she managed was a simple, “Thank you.”

“It was no trouble at all.”

***

Arms linked, Cato and Katniss entered the first class dining room alongside Effie. Lord Snow remained in his suite to eat his breakfast alone on the private promenade deck connected to his room.

Anticipation shadowed Katniss’s every moment. She wanted Peeta to look at her again with those bright blue eyes. She wanted him to smile and take her hand. It was a disease, this wanting. It filled every inch of her.

“Look,” Effie said. “Isn’t that Mr. Mellark from dinner last night?”

Peeta sat alone at a table for six, a cup of tea in front of him. He waved when he saw the trio and gestured from them to come over.

“I’d rather we sit alone,” Cato said but Effie was already halfway to Peeta’s table. If she heard his comment, she didn’t acknowledge it.

“I guess it’s just you and me,” Cato said.

Katniss’s disappointment was sudden and painful, like swallowing a shard of glass. She wondered how long Peeta had been sitting at that table waiting for her to show up. Maybe he had just arrived, and it was all a coincidence, and she was injecting more meaning into last night than it called for.

Nonetheless, she still wanted to sit with him. Maybe breakfast with him would be enough to cure her of this longing.

“We can’t leave your aunt alone,” Katniss said. 

“She’s a grown woman. Besides, she’s with her new friend Peeta.”

“We came to dine together. It would be rude to abandon her.” Katniss pulled her arm away, breaking the link. Without waiting for a response, she sat beside Effie, her seat diagonal from Peeta’s.

“Good morning, Miss Everdeen,” Peeta said.

“Good morning, Mr. Mellark.”

“How is your brother?” Effie asked, all manners.

“Not well, I’m afraid. He’s seasick and taking his meals in our room.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” Effie said. 

The chair beside Katniss was yanked backward with unnecessary force. Cato dropped into the seat and ripped the menu off the plate in front of him. Katniss resisted the urge to roll her eyes at his lack of subtly.

She bent her head over her menu, but peeked up at Peeta. Their eyes met before he slid his gaze over to Cato.

“I can’t decide between the fried ham and the poached eggs,” Peeta said.

Katniss should have been surprised at how quickly Peeta diagnosed the situation, but he was perceptive. He knew Cato hadn’t liked it when Katniss ordered dinner the night before based on his recommendation. It was such a small, silly thing, but Cato’s ego was fragile.

“The poached eggs sound good,” Effie said.

“I agree.” Katniss touched Cato’s hand. “What are you ordering?”

“Sirloin streak.” The words came out as a grumble.

After a waiter took their orders, Katniss worried they would lapse into a tense silence, but Effie took the lead.

“Tell me, Peeta. Are you from New York City?”

“Massachusetts, originally, but my family lives in the city now.”

“Are you related to Martha and Thomas Mellark?”

Peeta tugged at his shirt collar. “Yes, they’re my parents.”

“Do you know his family?” Katniss asked Effie.

“Only of them. They own the department store chain.” 

At Katniss’s blank look, Peeta explained, “Mellark’s. We only have locations in America.”

“Ah, you sell women’s perfume and clothing,” Cato said. “Must be tough work.” 

Peeta returned Cato’s nasty smile with a pleasant one. “With twenty locations spread out over New England, I don’t have time to personally handle the sale of women’s clothing, but if Miss Everdeen needs assistance shopping once we’re in the city, I can set her up with a personal shopper.”

A mixture of amusement, pride, and horror fell over her all at once. It was exhilarating watching someone other than Lord Snow match Cato barb for barb, but she wished he hadn’t dragged her into it. She would suffer for it later.

“No need for that,” Cato said. “I’ll take her shopping and make sure she gets everything she needs.”

“Are you an expert then?” Peeta asked. “On women’s clothing?”

The waiter appeared with their meals before Cato could respond, but Katniss could feel the tension radiating off his body. He tore through his breakfast. When he finished, he stood and offered Katniss his hand. 

“Can I walk you back to your room?”

“I’m not finished eating.”

“Cato, it’s rude to leave before everyone is finished,” Effie said.

“I have some business to attend to, but I want to make sure Katniss returns to her room safely first.”

He wanted to make sure she returned to her room alone and remained that way until he could come retrieve her. She had promised herself yesterday that she would visit Prim no matter what, but if he returned to her cabin to find her gone he would be furious.

“I’m sure she can do that on her own,” Effie said, surprising Katniss. Usually Effie demurred to whatever Cato or her father said. Perhaps she was embarrassed by Cato’s lack of manners in front of company. “We’re perfectly safe on board.”

“Fine.” Cato laid a hand on Katniss’s shoulder and squeezed. “Katniss, why don’t you spend the day with Effie, and I’ll see you at dinner.”

Effie nodded. “That sounds wonderful.”

Once Cato was gone, Katniss finished the last few bites of her breakfast. Her body buzzed with eagerness to see her sister, but she had to wait until Effie finished eating. This was no easy feat, as Effie asked Peeta at least two questions between each bite.

“How long were you in Europe?”

“Eight months,” Peeta answered after taking a sip of tea. “My parents wanted my brother and I to spend time abroad before settling down.”

“You two must have had a wonderful time.”

“We were supposed to stay for a full year, but when tickets became available for the Titanic, our mother insisted we return on its maiden voyage.”

“And what will you do when you get back?” Effie asked before eating her final bite of eggs.

“We’ve been shadowing our father for years. Most recently, I’ve helped managed the store in Boston. I’ll be taking over soon.”

“Congratulations,” Effie said. “You must be excited to follow in your father’s footsteps.”

Peeta nodded and smiled brightly, but it looked forced to Katniss.

As soon as Effie finished her tea, Katniss attempted to excuse herself.

“Yes, we should get going. Thank you, Mr. Mellark for your wonderful company,” Effie said.

“It was my pleasure.”

“Effie, I thought I would explore the ship on my own today,” Katniss said.

“Yes, but Cato suggested we spend the day together, and I would love the company.”

Effie had never expressed interest in spending time with her before. At least not while she wore a maid’s uniform and quietly served Effie three meals a day. Katniss had hoped that Effie’s small defiance was part of a larger rebellious streak, but she had been wrong.

“I haven’t been below B Deck since we boarded,” Katniss said carefully. Peeta still sat across from them. “Since I didn’t have the opportunity yesterday, I’d really like to do so today.”

Peeta followed the exchange quietly. When he recognized the anger on her face, his expression changed from confused to charming. It was like a switch flipped. Peeta may have claimed he had trouble having real conversations with women, but he had no trouble exchanging shallow words. He was charismatic and friendly, and Effie clearly loved talking to him.

“Effie, my cousin is getting married next month. I was simply going to send a letter of congratulations since I didn’t think I’d be able to attend, but now that I’ll be there in person, I have no idea what to get her. Do you have any suggestions?” 

Effie’s eyes lit up. If there was one thing she excelled at, it was social etiquette with shopping a close second.

Effie launched into a series of suggestions. With every pause, Peeta asked another question: what color, what size, what should he wear? Effie was much more cheerful than she had been an hour ago, and Katniss finally had an opening to escape.

Five minutes into the conversation, Katniss excused herself to use the restroom. While breakfast had done nothing but intensify her need to be close to Peeta, she knew visiting her family would distract her. As she pushed her chair back, she gave Peeta a meaningful look and mouthed ‘thank you.’

Once again, even though he had no idea what the conflict was, he had saved her.

***

Katniss spotted Prim’s twin blonde braids in the Third Class General Room after only a few moment of searching. Her breath rushed out of her as if she had been holding it since boarding.

She hugged Prim tightly, asking question after question: Was her room okay? Did she sleep all right? Were they feeding her well?

“Yes, yes, and yes!” Prim said, leading them to an empty bench. “Katniss, this ship is amazing! You should have seen our dinner last night. We ate roast beef, corn, and potatoes. And the bread is baked fresh daily. It’s delicious.”

A pang of guilt reminded Katniss that her dinner had lasted four courses, but Prim was eating better than she ever had at Aunt Violet’s or in Cork. The accommodations were surprisingly nice as well. The General Room was clean and cheerful, its walls a mix of bright white paint and pine paneling. Passengers chatted amicably while a dozen children chased each other, laughing.

This was another universe compared to the people and rooms a few decks above, but it was one Katniss preferred. The food might not have been as plentiful or the rooms as large and grand, but there was food and beds and laughter. This was all Katniss had ever wanted: just enough to push them from surviving to living.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t get down here sooner,” Katniss said. “I’ve been busy helping Effie unpack and dress for meals.”

“It’s okay. I know it’s your job.” Prim fiddled with the hem of her shirt, suddenly unable to look at her sister. “There’s a problem though.“

“What is it?” Images of Snow threatening Prim accosted her, but she forced them out of her mind. As if he would ever make an appearance in the bowels of the ship.

“Mom found your letter.”

Katniss’s heart skipped a beat, but she did not panic. A letter from a friend was not damning evidence, especially when her mother couldn’t read.

“Did she know what it was?”

“I’ve been trying to teach her to read,” Prim said, her brow furrowed as if educating their mother had brought this upon them. “She knows enough to tell it’s addressed to you from America.”

“Did she ask you about it?”

Prim shrugged. “She wanted me to read it to her, but I told her it was your letter and it was private.”

“Don’t worry, Prim. There’s no harm in Mom knowing I have a friend in America. It might even make her feel better.”

Prim had only learned of Katniss’s plan the month before. She had read the letter aloud for Katniss so many times believing it was simply a matter of Katniss missing her friend. At first, that was all it was. America had been an abstract concept, too far away to be real.

After Snow announced his plan for Cato to relocate to New York, the plan took shape, and America became not only a destination but a symbol of hope as well. Leaving Ireland behind, knowing that she would almost certainly never see it again physically hurt, but this was her chance to escape and provide for her family. It was probably her only chance.

Prim was not particularly concerned with where they ended up in America. She trusted Katniss and promised not to say anything to anyone—not even their mother.

Prim may not have known what went on in Lord Snow’s mansion, but her instinct had told her it was nothing good. One afternoon, shortly after moving into the cottage, she had announced that she did not like Cato or the way he looked at Katniss.

“How does he look at me?” Katniss had asked with a careful voice.

“Like he’s hungry.”

Prim rarely came in contact with Cato, but whenever she had visited the main house, Katniss felt her sister’s eyes taking note of every movement, every glance. Prim never said anything else about it though.

“She got one of the British passengers to read it to her,” Prim said, squirming on the bench. “And she’s mad, Katniss. Really mad.”

Katniss stood. The panic from before dissipated because she was mad too. Every day, no matter what she was doing or where she was, she was always a little angry with her mother.

“Where is she?”

***

Snow had been considerate enough to reserve a two-berth room for her family, so they did not have to share a room with strangers. Katniss found her mother lying in the bottom bunk bed, facing the wall.

“Are you feeling all right?” Katniss asked from the doorway. 

If she returned to her cabin, she could delay this confrontation, but she preferred to have the discussion here and now rather than in New York near Lord Snow or Cato.

Mrs. Everdeen sat up and stared at her daughter. No matter how much food she ate or slept, Mrs. Everdeen was always pale and thin. Even her hair seemed colorless. She looked like a ghost.

“Is there something going on?” Mrs. Everdeen asked.

“We’re starting over. A new life just like I said.”

“I agreed to go with you to New York. Not some place called Montana.”

“I never agreed to go to London with you, but somehow I ended up there.” 

This was the wrong tactic, but anger clouded Katniss’s judgment. She hurt, still, thinking of the day she returned home from town to find her mother finally dressed and out of bed, packing their home into a suitcase.

“Katniss, you know leaving was our only choice. We had to. We were dying in Cork.”

“No, you were dying. You were killing yourself. There’s a difference. Prim and I were doing fine.”

“We were starving.”

Katniss threw her hands into the air. “We were always starving! Don’t you remember how much the farm meant to Dad?” 

Before Katniss’s father, the farm had not belonged to the Everdeen family, not really. Her grandfather and the men before him were tenant farmers. They sank their hard work into the land and enjoyed its bounty, but it wasn’t theirs. It was not until 1904, the year after the Wyndham Land Act passed, that her father was able to buy out the landlord. Katniss had been ten at the time, and Prim only six, but both girls recalled the exuberance that had filled their home.

“It’s ours,” their father had announced after signing the paperwork. “We own this. Now and forever.”

And then their mother threw it all away.

Mrs. Everdeen stared straight ahead, too upset to look at her daughter. “Of course I know what the farm meant to your father. But we couldn’t stay there. It was too…” She covered her mouth, and the loss was fresh and present. Even Katniss could feel the hollowness as if father had only passed yesterday. Her mother often had this effect on her.

“He was everywhere,” Mrs. Everdeen finally said. “We couldn’t stay.”

“That’s exactly why we should have stayed!”

“I felt so alone. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t stay one more minute.”

“You were never alone,” Katniss said, kneeling in front of her mother. “Prim and I were there, but you shut us out. You dragged us to that awful city. And look where we are now.”

Katniss hadn’t meant to say that last part, but she could trace the path of destruction back to the day Mrs. Everdeen signed over the land. Her only living relative, a sister named Violet, had moved to London years before Katniss was born. Mrs. Everdeen decided the only way forward was to rejoin her family.

“Yes, look where we are. Headed to a foreign place we know nothing about while you make plans behind my back. I am your mother, Katniss.”

Katniss stood and crossed her arms. “Are you sure? Because I cannot remember the last time you acted like it.”

Mrs. Everdeen winced. “I thought you liked working for the Snows. I thought it was a good position for you.”

Katniss stared at her mother. “You have no idea what goes on anywhere, do you?” she asked slowly. “Anything outside your bedroom walls is a mystery.”

“Katniss?”

Katniss turned at the sound of her name and found Prim in the doorway tugging on a braid. She wondered how much Prim had heard.

“Katniss, let’s go above deck. We’re here.”

“Here? Where?”

They were only on their second day of travel. They had stopped in Cherbourg, France the night before, and they were not due to arrive in New York for another six days.

“One of the women said we’ve stopped in Queenstown,” Prim said with a huge smile. “We’re in Ireland.”

***

Katniss allowed herself only the briefest of glances before returning to her cabin. She had already said goodbye and could not bear looking back over her shoulder.

At least the ship was tendered rather than docked. It was not as if Katniss could just travel down the gangplank and return home.

That one look had her considering jumping over the railing and swimming to shore though. Goodbye Cato. Goodbye Lord Snow.

Cato was waiting for her back in her cabin. She had only been gone a couple of hours, but he paced the room, seething, as if she had disappeared for an entire day.

“I asked you to stay with Effie,” he said. “That was all I asked! I don’t want you going down to steerage again, do you understand me?”

Anger was not strong enough of an adjective to describe the feeling that ran through her. She was furious. Enraged.

“Excuse me?”

Cato finally stopped pacing. “You are a first class passenger and my fiancée. You shouldn’t be fraternizing with third class passengers.”

“Those passengers are my family! I should be down there with them!”

“Nonsense.” He grabbed her hands, but for once his touch was gentle, an attempt at reassurance. “Look, it’s not appropriate for you to be going down there. What would people think?”

“That I care about my family? That I miss them?”

“Katniss, once we’re married, we’ll buy your family a house nearby and you can see them as often as you like.”

Katniss wrenched her hands away. “Once we’re married?” The world was tilting. Once more, she was a step behind everyone, just barely catching up before something else changed.

“I thought you meant only to upset your grandfather,” she said.

“That is a nice perk of our engagement, but I want to marry you. Don’t you want to marry me?”

An image of the life she could have flashed before her: an excess of food and luxury. Her mother would never have to worry about anything ever again. Prim could enroll in school and eventually train to be a nurse.

And every night for the rest of her life, Katniss would have to sleep in the same bed as Cato. She would have to be whatever version of herself he wanted, everyday. He would recreate her over and over until finally, he tired of her and took a mistress. When she no longer had anything to offer him, he would be cruel and resentful.

No, she did not want to marry him.

“Your grandfather would never allow it,” she said.

Cato waved his hand as if batting her excuse out of the air. “You won’t have to worry about him much longer.”

“What do you mean?”

Cato rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. The world was tilting violently now, threatening to send Katniss hurtling over the edge. This was it. This was what Snow had called her into his office for all those months ago.

“My father and I have been playing around with the company’s accounts. Siphoning money here and there.”

“But don’t you have enough money?”

Cato pulled her into his arms. “You have so much to learn about our world, Katniss. It’s not about the money. Everything was done in my grandfather’s name. My father is already back in London and speaking with the Board of Directors. The conversation started the moment we set sail.”

“I don’t understand,” she said.

“We framed him. Forget running the company, he’ll be lucky to avoid arrest.” A twisted smile took over his face. “He thinks he knows everything, that he’s untouchable. He’s not. No one is.”

He kissed her, one hand at the small of her back holding her to him as if she would slip away if he didn’t. 

“We’re going to be free,” he said. “You and me. We’ll be free together.”

***

The tension that clung to breakfast was gone at dinner. Either Cato finally believed that Katniss had no interest in Peeta or the presence of other people diluted his annoyance.

Nonetheless, Katniss was stiff and quiet. Cato wanted to marry her. He wanted to live in a big mansion with a staff of their own. He wanted to remake her so she fit into his life.

But first, he wanted to destroy his grandfather.

Katniss could not look at Lord Snow, certain he would recognize the new knowledge she held. If she didn’t tell him, if Cato and Seneca’s plan worked and Snow was fired from his own company, or even worse, arrested for embezzlement, then Cato would win.

And be free to marry whomever he chose.

No matter what happened to Snow, she knew he had the power to destroy her. He knew too many people and planned too far in advance for there not to be a comeuppance.

She forced a few bites of chicken down. Peeta shot her a concerned look from across the table, but she looked down at her plate.

Halfway through dinner, Peeta excused himself.

“My apologies,” Peeta said. “But I should check on my brother. He was terribly sick last night, and he didn’t seem much better today.”

“I’m so sorry,” Effie said. “Let us know if we can do anything for you.”

“I appreciate the concern,” Peeta said. “But it’s only seasickness. I’m sure he’ll be up all night again.” His eyes skimmed the table before stopping at Katniss. “I probably won’t get any sleep at all.”

The longing from this morning stirred within her as he walked past her. So much had happened today, but there was no stopping. She was hurtling toward whatever ending this story had, and she was terrified she would not get to write it.

Punished by Snow. Married to Cato. Free in Montana. She would end up somewhere.

But tonight she could forget about the ending for a little while. She could stand outside under the stars with this boy and pretend.

She decided she would not sleep tonight either because tonight was all she had.


	3. April 12, 1912

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once again for reading, commenting, and following! I'm surprised I was able to finish this chapter considering how emotionally traumatized I am over Mockingjay Part 1. I hope you all enjoy.

The wind, sharp and cold, attacked as soon as Katniss rushed through the door leading to the Boat Deck. She barely noticed. It was late, later than it had been when she emerged last night.

She followed the same trail as before, although this time she passed two officers walking in tandem. She slowed her pace so as not to look suspicious.

As she approached the First Class Lounge, she saw Peeta standing in front of the railing, looking out at the water. God, he was handsome. He still wore the black suit he had on at dinner, but his blonde hair was no longer perfectly slicked to the side. Pieces stuck out in all directions as if he had been running his fingers through it.

Peeta turned as soon as he noticed her and hid something behind his back.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi.” 

All of a sudden, she was shy and skittish, and impossibly naïve. What was she doing? What were _they_ doing?

She stopped in front of him, her elbow brushing the cold metal of the railing. She was tempted to move closer, but she was already straddling the line of appropriateness. 

“I’m surprised you’re out here by yourself. What about Marvel?”

Peeta shrugged. “I knew you’d save me if necessary.” 

“I’m serious. Did you see him today?” She scanned the deck as if he might be lurking in the shadows.

“I did, but he didn’t approach me. I think your threat worked.”

“Cato has that effect on people.”

Peeta looked away at the mention of her fiancé. She regretted saying his name. Tonight was about pretending and being who she wanted to be. Cato didn’t exist out here.

“I have something for you. A gift.”

“A gift?” she echoed. “Why?”

“That is a very unusual reaction to a present. Most people say ‘thank you’ or ‘please give it to me immediately.’ Close your eyes.”

Katniss stared at him, unsure of what to say.

“Close your eyes,” he repeated. “You’ll like it. I promise.”

She squeezed her eyes shut, and he moved closer, close enough to feel the heat radiating from his body. Close enough to imagine stepping into his arms. 

He smelled clean and woodsy as if he had spent the entire day outdoors. She knew it was his cologne, but she couldn’t help imagining him outside her old home in Cork, surveying the land her family had worked so hard to cultivate. The image was ridiculous: well-groomed Peeta in a tailored suit standing amidst the chickens and grain. But he looked happy in the sun with a little dirt under his nails.

She felt the whoosh of air as he shook something out and draped it over her shoulders.

“Alright,” he said. 

She looked down to find a beautiful lace shawl covering her shoulders. Peeta held it closed, although his hand hovered a good inch from her body. She took the ends from him.

“Oh, your hair.” 

He lifted her braid out from underneath the shawl. Her breath caught in her throat as his fingers grazed her neck in the process. He laid her braid on top of the shawl, his hand lingering for a second too long.

“Where did you get this?” she asked.

“When Effie realized you were gone, she thought you might be out on deck to see Queenstown,” he said. “She wouldn’t say any more about it, but I thought you might like a gift from Ireland. It’s Irish lace, handmade.”

“Ireland?” Katniss couldn’t wrap her head around this. She was holding a lost object, an artifact from another life. 

“A few vendors boarded the ship while we were tendered. Do you not like it?”

“No, it’s…” She wrapped the shawl tighter around her. The cold air was sinking through the material of her dress, seeping into her bones. She wondered if it had been this cold the entire time. “I love it. Thank you.”

“Have you ever been to Ireland? I asked Effie, but she wouldn’t say.”

“I…I have. Yes.” She looked out over the water and thought of the bright green fields near Queenstown, already miles away, swallowed by the dark. There was no pretending. She was who she was. “I need to get back to my room. Cato will notice I’m gone.”

“Wait, Katniss.” He caught her elbow as she turned, but all she felt was the cold. “I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable.”

She grabbed his hand, holding it with both of her own. The now familiar wave of excitement and longing swept through her, but it was tempered with the hopelessness that followed her like a shadow.

Were there other men like this? Kind, thoughtful, and warm? Or had she stumbled across the only one? It hardly mattered. He was an idea, as unreal and unknowable as the rest of the world. And he was not hers to explore.

“Thank you,” she said. “But I don’t think we should speak anymore.” She squeezed his hand and let it go.

“Wait. I’ll take it back. I’ll throw it in the ocean. We can pretend I never bought it.”

“It’s not that,” she said. “It’s only that I barely know you. And you don’t know me at all.”

“Then stay with me. Tell me what there is to know.”

“I’m not who you think I am.” She removed the shawl with a careful hand, but he wouldn’t take it.

“It’s yours,” he said. “I want you to have it.”

She turned away, but after a few steps he rushed in front of her.

“Marvel attacked me because of a gambling debt. My brother owes him a substantial amount of money. It’s why he won’t leave the room. He’s not sick. He’s scared.”

“Why are you telling me this?” she asked.

“Because you’re right. We barely know each other. And I owe you an explanation for last night.

She stared at him for a long moment. Her icy fingers itched to grab his again, but she resisted. She would go inside and warm up there, far away from him. 

“You don’t owe me a thing,” she said before walking away.

This time he didn’t follow.

***

Hugging the crumpled shawl to her chest, Katniss slipped into her bedroom. She buried her face into the lace, brushed it against her lips. It smelled like him.

“Where were you?”

She jumped at the voice. Cato was still lying in bed, but he was not asleep. She considered telling him she had been in the bathroom, but there was no telling how long he had been awake.

“I couldn’t sleep, so I went out for a walk,” she said.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed and switched on the lamp. The light was yellow and weak. It turned her previously beautiful bedroom into a garish, ugly place.

“Who were you walking with?”

“No one. There are only officers out at this time of night.”

Cato nodded, once, as if satisfied with her answer. He stood and pulled on his clothes. As he buttoned his shirt, he nodded again and again before letting out a laugh.

“Taking a walk by yourself at this time of night,” he said. “Were you out by yourself last night too?”

His question was a blade grazing her neck. A warning. “Yes. I’m sorry. I’m not used to being on a ship. I just needed to—”

“What are you holding?”

“A shawl. It’s cold outside.” She dropped it onto the chair. “Let me help.” 

She pulled his hands away from his shirt and began buttoning. Back at the estate, she often helped him dress. He told her he liked it when she was so close. That she was intoxicating, irresistible. Sometimes, on his demand, she had to help him remove his shirt seconds after finishing the last button.

“Where did you get the shawl?”

Lying was much easier when she could concentrate on something other than his scowling face.

“I bought it from one of the vendors today,” she said. “It’s Irish lace.”

He wrapped a hand around her jaw and slammed her backward into the wall. Stars burst in front of her eyes, and she couldn’t see, couldn’t defend herself.

“Do you think I’m stupid?” he asked, his face a breath from hers.

She tried to say no, to apologize again, but he was squeezing her jaw too hard.

“I was here when you came back today. You didn’t have anything with you! I know you were with him.”

He released her and dropped onto the bed, face in his hands. She rubbed her jaw and stared at him. He had never hurt her before. Not outside of bed. Not with such intention. She didn’t know who he was, or where she was, or how she had arrived at this moment.

Before she had ever heard of the Snow Estate, she had worked in a factory where a greasy, bearded foreman enjoyed screaming at his female employees. One day, he smacked a young girl because he thought she wasn’t working fast enough. Katniss had intervened and received a black eye for her trouble. The foreman told her not to bother returning the next day.

_Rue_ , Katniss recalled. The young girl with the sweet smile and sad eyes had been named Rue. 

Her black eye had taken a week to heal. She wondered how long it would take to recover from this.

“You are not to leave your cabin unless you are accompanied by me. Do you understand?” 

Cato stood, and Katniss flattened her trembling frame against the wall. Yesterday, she had tackled a man twice her size to protect a virtual stranger. Today, she cowered, unable to save herself.

“You will take your meals in here. You will not go for midnight walks. And you will not speak to Peeta Mellark again. Do you understand?”

Tears sprang to her eyes, and she covered her mouth to stifle a sob. She hadn’t cried since the day her father died. She had left Ireland with dry eyes. She had endured the silence of her mother, the hell of factory work, the insults thrown at her by her aunt, the indignity of giving herself to Cato, and she had never once cried.

Anger that he could reduce her to this state mixed with her fear, but still the tears slipped out, dripping onto the silk of her dress.

Cato towered over her. He grasped her chin and forced her to look at him.

“Did you hear me?”

“You take _everything_ from me,” she said, voice trembling.

“I _take_ everything from you? Are you—are you serious?” Cato raked a hand through his hair, cheeks red, a vein pulsing in his forehead. 

His rage boiled over, and she was terrified.

He threw open the top of her trunk and ripped out her dresses. “I bought these for you. For you! An ungrateful, spoiled servant.” He dug to the bottom and pulled out her stash of jewelry, carefully wrapped in a handkerchief.

“Necklaces, earrings, all for you!” He threw the bundle, and the jewelry flew all over the room. He stomped on the closest necklace before kicking the trunk. It sailed across the floor, slamming into her legs.

“Pick up the jewelry,” he said. His voice was shockingly calm and level, but when she failed to move, he resumed yelling. “Pick it up!”

She scurried around the room like a petrified mouse, and gathered up everything he had thrown.

“Put them back in the handkerchief.”

She did as she was told and handled the bundle to him.

“I’d rather these be at the bottom of the Atlantic then touch your skin again.”

He stormed out of her bedroom. Effie hovered outside, wringing her hands, but she said nothing as Cato stomped past. As soon the cabin door closed, she hurried over to Katniss.

“Are you alright?”

Katniss’s tears were already drying. Without a word, she slammed the door in Effie’s face.

***

The next morning, Katniss woke with a terrible headache. She plucked a dress from the floor, pulled it on, and undid her braid. She checked the mirror and found her eyes red and puffy.

Despite Cato’s demand that she remain in her room, she traveled up the grand staircase to eat breakfast. She could not stay in her room all day. She would not allow him to restrict her or bully her. Besides, dwelling on what had happened would drive her crazy.

She entered the dining room, head held high. Immediately, she spotted Cato and Effie sitting at their usual table. In her peripheral vision, she spotted Peeta picking at his breakfast plate on the other side of the room.

Katniss walked over to Effie and Cato, determined to pretend that nothing was amiss. She desperately hoped that Cato had cooled off. He had yelled at her and insulted her before, but he had always apologized the next day, often with a present. Maybe she could reverse this. Maybe she could get the jewelry back. 

If she didn’t, her escape plan was ruined, and she and her family would be devoured by New York. No friends, no job, and barely any money.

They’d be set adrift.

Katniss pulled out the empty chair beside Cato. He spoke without looking at her. “I ask you to remain in your room, and you ignore me. I knew you were uneducated, but I had no idea you were a complete imbecile.”

“Cato!” Effie hissed. “You cannot speak to her like that.”

“Like what? She is the help, and I will speak to her any way I wish. Besides, did she help you dress this morning? Fix your hair? Has she done anything useful since boarding this ship? What are we even paying her for?”

Katniss accepted the dismissal and sat at an empty table for two across the room. She did not look at the menu or acknowledge the waiter who came by moments later. What did she care about manners? They were made up by people who screamed and threatened behind closed doors. Why did she have to put on a happy face just because she was around other people?

Fork clenched in her hand, she stared straight ahead, at nothing, until her vision was obstructed by a torso. Peeta dropped into the chair in front of her.

“Do you want me to order for you?” he asked. “I can tell you what the options are and then leave.”

When she remained quiet, her gaze passing right through him, he leaned forward.

“It’s okay. Your fiancé left,” he said. “Katniss, I know you asked me to leave you alone, but you don’t look well. What happened?”

“What do you care?” she snapped. “You’re not my father, my employer, or my fiancé. This is none of your business.”

“Is that it?” he asked. “Are those the only options?”

She finally refocused her gaze on his face. She couldn’t decide if his eyes were filled with pity or concern.

“What do you mean?”

“Can’t I be a friend? A concerned friend?” he asked.

“I’m not like you. I’m not even a real person. I’m made-up.”

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, but at least let me sit with you. Just for a little while.”

His kindness was poison. Sweet, perfect poison, and it was going to kill her. She had to destroy her idea of him first.

“I can’t read,” she said. “It’s why I can’t order off the menu. I can’t read it.” She pressed the tips of her fingers into the tines of the fork. It didn’t draw blood but it hurt just enough.

“I haven’t just visited Ireland. I was born there. I lived there until my father died and my mother dragged me and my sister to London. I worked at a textile factory until I was fired, and then I was hired as a maid at the Snow Estate where Cato made me his whore.”

She dropped the fork, and it landed on her empty plate. The resulting sound attracted the attention of nearby passengers.

“Now you know who I am.”

Peeta stood and disappeared from her line of sight. She would not turn her head. She would not watch him walk away.

“Let’s go outside,” he said, appearing at her side.

“Did you hear what I said?”

“Yes. Now let’s go.”

***

Beside outside with Peeta was much different in the daytime. The sun was bright and warm, and for the first time, Katniss noticed the faint freckles on the bridge of his nose.

She might have been happy or relieved if she had been capable of such emotions. Sadness, anger, and fear had consumed her the night before. Today, she felt hollow as if every last shred of feeling, both good and bad, had been cut away.

For several minutes, the only sounds she heard were the crash of waves against the ship and the quiet voices of the passengers they passed.

Finally, Katniss asked, “Why are we walking around?”

“People were starting to stare. I didn’t think you’d want the attention. We can go back inside if you’re hungry.”

“No. I’m fine. It’s only that…” She stopped walking, and Peeta turned to look at her. His eyes were brighter outside, so blue she could have been staring into the sky. Concern, she decided. It wasn’t pity but concern she saw there.

“Why are you doing this? Now that you know who I really am.”

Peeta reached for her hand, but thought better of it at the last second. His arm returned to his side, but his fingers twitched against his pant leg.

“Is your name Katniss?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Did you tackle a man and threaten him with a knife to protect me?”

Katniss looked down, embarrassed at the description. It sounded crass and outrageous.

This time, Peeta made contact, a fingertip beneath her chin to point her gaze back up.

“You’re brave and beautiful and strong. I already knew who you were.”

The beginnings of a blush spread across her cheeks, but she ignored it. “Where I come from, and what I’m doing with Cato…that doesn’t mix well with your class.”

“Do you really think so little of me? Do you think I care about any of that?”

“It’s not you. It’s everyone. It’s like you said. We all have our roles to play, and mine has nothing to do with yours.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“Thank you for checking on me. But I need to go.” She had no idea where, but she needed to extract herself from this situation. She couldn’t pull him in any deeper. 

Should she return to her cabin like a prisoner? Or the dining room to be gawked at? She could walk along the deck until they reached New York, and not stop maybe even then. If she kept spinning in circles, the story didn’t have to move forward.

“I like you, Katniss. I’m happy when I’m with you. Happier than I remember being in a very long time. I know it’s selfish, but I want to get as many moments with you as I can.”

The way he looked at her was enough to begin the arduous process of filling her back up, one feeling at a time. The gentle fluttering of happiness returned first, landing in her chest and spreading to her stomach.

She was used to being the source of disappointment or sexual pleasure. She was the person looked to for food and money and survival. The only other person who ever seemed genuinely happy to see her was Prim.

It was a tremendous responsibility being the source of someone else’s happiness, but it felt much easier than the other responsibilities she shouldered everyday. All Peeta was asking was for her to be herself.

“I like you too,” she said. 

Anticipation snuck in next. Then, excitement and hope. When he touched her face without hesitation, despite being outside, despite being near other passengers, desire uncoiled in her stomach as if it had never left. As if it had been there the whole time, asleep and waiting.

***

After Peeta discovered that Katniss’s family was on board, he asked to meet them. A day ago the idea of bringing Peeta down to the Third Class General Room would have been laughable, but today, she said yes. They had already made it this far.

Katniss swept her sister into a hug. Prim immediately noticed Peeta over Katniss’s shoulder. It was hard not to. He wore a black pinstriped suit that was more causal than his dinner wear but extravagant compared to the simple shirt and pants the men down here wore.

“Prim, this is Peeta, my…friend,” Katniss said. “Peeta, this is my sister, Prim.”

“It’s wonderful to meet you,” Peeta said, offering his hand.

Prim hesitated before taking it. “It’s nice to meet you too,” she said.

“Where’s Mom?” Katniss asked.

“In our room. I think she’s taking a nap.”

This afternoon would go a lot smoother if Mrs. Everdeen never met Peeta. It would just be another argument, another headache, and Katniss was done with the hard parts. At least for now.

Prim studied Peeta. “How did you meet my sister?”

“At dinner,” he said. “Our first night on board.”

“You’re a servant too?” Prim asked as they sat down on a nearby bench. A pair of women vacated their seats, wary of Katniss and Peeta’s presence. “Because you don’t dress like one.”

Peeta laughed and shook his head. “I’m not.”

“Peeta’s family owns a store in New York,” Katniss explained. 

“Does he stock the shelves like Gale did?” Prim asked.

Katniss had not thought of Gale in a very long time. He had always been kind to her, cutting her deals when she brought their goods to trade that benefitted her more than himself. After her father died, he visited the farm every few days to deliver food and offer help with the farm work.

She missed him. He was the one constant in a tumultuous time. She hoped he was healthy and happy, that he had married his neighbor Madge, and never knew hunger.

She was so far away that she could pretend that this was the truth quite easily.

“No, he’s more of a businessman. He’s in charge,” Katniss explained.

“What do you sell?” Prim asked.

“Lots of items. Clothing, carpets, furniture, toys. Anything you can think of that you would need in your home.”

Prim’s eyes widened. She had rarely ventured out of their little apartment in London. Whenever there was an errand to run, Aunt Violet volunteered Prim to watch the children while she escaped the crowded, dim rooms. Prim had never visited such a store.

“It sounds huge,” Prim said.

“It’s very big,” Peeta said. “It has twelve floors.”

“What about books?” Prim asked. “Do you sell those as well?”

“We do.” Peeta looked over at Katniss, surprised.

“Prim is an excellent reader,” Katniss explained. “She learned from a neighbor.”

“Perhaps I can take both of you there once we’re in New York. You could get a behind-the-scenes tour.”

“That would be amazing!” Prim exclaimed. “Wouldn’t it, Katniss? If—if we have time that is.” Their escape plan had obviously reentered Prim’s mind. 

Pangs of guilt synced with her heartbeat. The plan was ruined. She had little hope of reconciling with Cato, especially if she continued spending time with Peeta. But she could figure this all out later, couldn’t she? She could have this carefree happiness for a little while. She would need it to live on for a very long time.

“If we have time,” Katniss confirmed. “Sure.”

Prim’s smile at her response was rivaled only by Peeta’s. Perhaps it was a false promise, but maybe they would get to see the Mellark’s department store. Maybe Peeta could point her in the direction of a job or a cheap apartment. She could begin saving money again. They didn’t have to be completely alone in New York. As Peeta said, he could be her friend.

***

The afternoon passed in a flurry of card games, conversation, and music. A couple of passengers took advantage of the piano located in the back of the Third Class General Room. A myriad of songs from across Europe provided a pleasant backdrop until the notes of Thomas Moore’s “‘Tis the Last Rose of Summer” flooded the room.

Katniss almost dropped her cards. Even Prim looked up as if she could see the notes floating through the air. Thomas Moore had been popular in their home in Cork.

At first, all Katniss could feel was her father’s absence, but as the music played, her thoughts shifted, and suddenly, her father was right there beside them.

“Dad used to sing this,” Prim said. “Didn’t he?”

“Yes.”

“Will you sing it?”

Heat crept up the back of Katniss’s neck. She had sung at home, on the farm, in her room but never in front of people and not for a very long time.

“Please? I don’t remember the words,” Prim said. “Dad never taught me.”

Katniss always had trouble turning down Prim, and how could she say no when Prim was only trying to bring their father back for a few notes in a song. She closed her eyes and sang the last few lines softly: 

“So soon may I follow,   
When friendships decay,   
And from Love's shining circle   
The gems drop away.   
When true hearts lie wither'd,   
And fond ones are flown,   
Oh! who would inhabit   
This bleak world alone?”

As the last few notes of the song faded away, Katniss opened her eyes and found several people staring at her in awe. They clapped and she looked away, embarrassed that she had been overheard.

“That was beautiful,” Peeta said. “Your voice, it’s…” He looked at her as if she had conjured the music up herself, summoned the piano notes from thin air. As if she was something new and otherworldly.

People began to drift out of the room and Katniss forced a self-deprecating smile.

“I guess I know how to clear a room.”

“Don’t be silly,” said Prim. “You sound even better than Dad did. It’s just time for dinner.”

“Is it already that late?” Peeta asked. “I need to get you back to your room.”

“I should go wake Mom.” Prim hugged Katniss and shook Peeta’s hand. “It was great to meet you, Peeta.”

Once Prim disappeared from the room, Peeta and Katniss headed toward the stairwell. 

“I should have paid attention to the time. I don’t want to get you in trouble with your fiancé.”

“It’s too late for that,” she said without thinking.

“What do you mean?”

When Katniss didn’t answer, Peeta put a hand on her shoulder and stopped her short of the exit.

“What happened?” he asked.

“Nothing. He just…” She looked away. “He was awake last night when I got back.”

“And?” Peeta pressed.

“And nothing. He was upset. We had a fight. That’s it.”

“No.” Peeta pulled her into the stairwell so the few remaining passengers could not overhear. “Tell me what really happened. I saw the way he treated you this morning.”

“He’s just angry.”

“You didn’t look right this morning. You looked…empty.”

“Peeta, I don’t need you to save me.”

He looked down at the ground, and she was worried she had ruined this, whatever this was. All he wanted to do was help, but all she did was push him away.

Then his mouth was on hers, and his hand was on her neck, and she was gone. 

She slipped her arms underneath his suit jacket and around his back. She could feel the heat of his skin radiating through his shirt, and she wondered what it would be like to feel his bare skin against hers.

What a strange sensation to be kissed and want to kiss the person back, to not be afraid of disappearing into him because she could not be lost. For the first time, she felt found.

Peeta pulled away and rested his forehead against hers. She felt a gentle tug on her hair as he caressed the side of her face.

“Maybe I’m the one who needs to be saved,” he said.

***

They made it as far as the Second Class corridors before Katniss pulled him into another kiss. If she had been empty this morning, she was full now: of wonder, of hope, of desire. It had been a long time since the good feelings trumped the bad, and they left her feeling lighter than air. She was dizzy, intoxicated, and she wanted more.

It became a game then. They wandered the halls, snuck around corners, kissing whenever they found an empty corridor. They pulled away at the first hint of footsteps, laughing at their own private joke as the confused passengers walked by.

How wonderful it was to act without considering the consequences, to be happy and do what she wished. She didn’t even have to pretend because Peeta knew who she was, and he didn’t care. He saw past the labels Cato, Lord Snow, Aunt Violet, and countless others had given her. He saw the real her.

“Katniss,” he whispered, his mouth close to her ear. He kissed her jaw, and it was as if last night had never happened. His kiss erased all evidence of Cato’s cruelty.

She stared up at him as she grabbed his hand and laid it over her collarbone. They traced the exposed skin together before she dragged his palm to the bodice of her dress.

“Maybe you aren’t real,” he said. “You’re too beautiful to be real.”

This time when he kissed her, it was deliciously slow, a careful exploration of her lips. When she slipped her tongue into his mouth, he backed her into the wall, and she felt every part of his body pressed against her own.

“Ah, honeymooners,” a voice said.

Katniss and Peeta jumped apart. A tall man with bronze-colored hair stood a few feet away, his arm linked with a very pretty, very pregnant woman. He was devastatingly handsome, but this was only a passing thought. It was hard to think of another man as anything special with Peeta at her side.

“Please, don’t let us interrupt. We were honeymooners once.” He offered them a salacious smile before patting his wife’s hand and leading her down the hall. “Have fun,” he said before they disappeared into their cabin.

“Maybe we should move to a less public place,” Katniss said, grabbing Peeta’s hand.

“You could come back to my room,” he said. “I don’t mean my bedroom, just my room. The sitting room. We could sit and be alone.”

Katniss laughed and brushed a lock of his hair off his forehead. “I wouldn’t mind sitting with you.”

***

As the night marched on, Katniss became reluctant to leave. She had no idea if Effie was worried about her whereabouts or if Cato had checked her room. It would be a mess no matter what time she returned.

Peeta seemed hesitant to let her go as well.

“You can stay here,” he finally said as midnight approached. “I can sleep on the floor.”

“I can’t do that.” She glanced at the closed door that led to Peeta’s brother’s room. He must have heard them talking, but he had not come out.

“Don’t worry about Rye. He’s not coming out,” Peeta said. “I’m worried about you going back. I don’t want him to hurt you.”

And so he laid a pillow and blanket on the floor of his bedroom, and she climbed into his bed. It smelled like him, like the woods and saltwater. She buried her face in the sheets and inhaled.

She had tried to argue with him about the sleeping arrangements. She offered to take the floor, but he had insisted. She had wanted to offer to share the bed, but she was worried what he would think. They were already crossing the lines of polite society. She didn’t want to push him too far.

After a few quiet moments of lying in the dark, Katniss decided that she didn’t care. She wanted to sleep beside him, and she doubted she would have another opportunity. She stood and dropped her pillow onto the floor beside Peeta’s.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“It would be completely inappropriate for us to share a bed. Which is why I’m sleeping on the floor with you instead.”

Even with the carpet, the floor was hard and uncomfortable, but Peeta welcomed her into his arms. She settled against him, her head resting on his chest.

She fell asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.


	4. April 13, 1912

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the bulk of this chapter during Winter Storm Cato. (Seriously. That’s what they named it.) Thank you, Cato, for giving me a day off from work and time to write. Thanks again to everyone who is reading, commenting, and enjoying! (And thanks for the bad Titanic joke. I laughed out loud.)

Katniss woke pressed against a warm body. She recoiled, disgusted at herself for curling up against Cato’s back in the middle of the night. How could she allow any kind of intimacy between them after he had insulted her, hurt her—

And then as the last remnants of sleep disappeared, she remembered. 

She reached out and grazed the back of Peeta’s neck and pressed a kiss to his exposed skin. An unfamiliar feeling sprouted in her chest, dug its roots into her stomach. It was a moment before she realized that she felt safe. She had forgotten what that felt like.

But she had to leave. Decisions at night always seemed much worse in the light of the morning. Her self-loathing was never as fierce as it was the morning after a night with Cato. She couldn’t stand the idea of destroying her perfect day with Peeta by allowing an awful morning to follow it.

Peeta would realize she was good for only one thing, and he was too much of a gentleman to even use her for that. He would dismiss her as politely as possible.

She sat up. Peeta stirred and touched her hand.

“Good morning,” he said.

She didn’t respond, opting to stare straight ahead at the wall.

“Katniss?”

“I should probably get back to my room. I need to change for breakfast.”

He tugged her arm. “Let’s skip breakfast.”

“I think it’s best that I get back,” she said. “Thank you for letting me stay.”

He encircled her waist and pulled her back into the warm burrow of their makeshift bed. She tried to relax as he buried his face into her neck, but it was difficult. With every second that passed, she was certain he was preparing to dismiss her.

But the words never came.

Her muscles gradually loosened and her eyes grew heavy. She was almost asleep when Peeta spoke.

“I don’t want to marry Delly Cartwright.” He kissed the corner of her jaw. “I don’t want to run the store in Boston. I don’t want any of it.”

“What do you want?” she asked.

“I want to be with you.”

This was somehow worse than what she had expected. Casting her aside was an obvious and necessary choice, but actually _wanting_ to be with her? The idea was insane. Forget the obstacles that stood in their way. She would not allow it. She would not drag him down with her.

“Peeta, you don’t…that’s not possible.”

“It is,” he said. “I’ve been thinking about leaving home for years. One day, I would just up and leave. Carve out my own path.”

She twisted in his arms and looked up at him. “Leave your family? Never see them again?”

“I know I’ve never had it as bad as you. I’ve never known hunger or the cold. But I know what it’s like to feel alone. I know what it’s like to be forced to play a part or suffer the consequences.”

His eyes, usually such a bright shade of blue, appeared darker, like the color of the sky as a storm rolled in. She had never noticed the pain in them before. She had been too distracted by her own.

She wondered what his consequences were, if they were anything like her own.

“Tell me what you want,” she said.

“When I was a kid, I’d help our cook prepare meals whenever my mother was out of the house. Baking bread with her is one of the happiest memories I have from my childhood.” He smiled down at her. “I want to open my own bakery. I want to sell things that will make people happy, really happy. Not like the stuff at our stores. We trick people into thinking they need to buy this stuff to feel fulfilled, but it’s an illusion. All of it.” 

He pressed his lips to her forehead, and she was certain no matter how many times he did this, she would never tire of the feel of his mouth on her skin.

“Things don’t make you happy.”

“Things keep you warm,” she said. “They keep you fed.”

“Yes, but all this luxury, this excess…it’s not fair. People like you have to bend to the will of people like Cato because you were born into poverty. I don’t want to be part of it anymore. We could leave, Katniss. You and I. Together. You wouldn’t have to be with Cato anymore.”

She disentangled herself from and sat up. “You can’t base your future on one happy day together. You can’t throw everything away.”

“I was always going to leave. I’ve been putting money aside for the last couple of years. I just didn’t know where I’d go. I do now.”

“Peeta, I’m not…I’m not staying in New York.”

“I know. Prim told me.”

“What?” She was aghast at the idea that Prim would reveal her most guarded secret to a stranger.

“All she said was that you might not stay in the city for too long. She asked for my address, so she could write letters and practice her penmanship.” He laughed. “She’s smart, your sister.”

“I know,” Katniss said softly. “But she shouldn’t have told you.”

“Where are you going?”

When Katniss remained quiet, Peeta sat up and touched her shoulder. “I won’t tell anyone. And I won’t try to stop you.”

Opening up to him was tempting. What did she think he’d do with the information: betray her? The only thing he had done for her since they met was try to save her. Again and again.

“Montana,” she responded. “I have a friend out there. She says I can own my own farm.” Katniss closed her eyes and saw her home in Cork transported to a new country. “But the money I had…almost all of it’s gone. I don’t have enough to make it out there let alone buy land.”

Peeta’s face brightened. “I can take you. You, Prim, your mother. I can pay for all of us to get there.”

Katniss threw the blanket off her and stood. “Absolutely not.”

“Katniss, wait.”

She was almost to the door when he grabbed her hand. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I will not be another rich man’s whore,” she snapped, pulling her hand away. “I won’t do it again.”

“That’s not what I mean. I want to help you. I don’t need anything in return.”

It was a nice idea, but everything cost something. There was always a price.

She shook her head. “I can’t do that. It’s not right.”

“Do you want to pay me back? I’ll even charge interest if that will make you feel better.”

“Peeta…”

“You, me, and your family,” he said, wrapping his arms around her waist. He kissed her softly. “We’ll get off the ship together. We’ll board a train the same day.”

She studied him. He was a puzzle, impossible to solve. There were too many pieces and none of them fit together, unless…unless he truly cared for her. But they had known each other for only three days. It was impossible.

What kind of pain had he experienced that would make him throw away a roof over his head and guaranteed meals? To make him never want to see his family again? She saw it much clearer now, the despair that flickered in between his bright smiles. He had said he was always going to leave. She had just given him a destination.

“I don’t know,” she said. 

The idea was magnetic, and she could feel herself being pulled in. If he helped them, she wouldn’t have to stay and witness the aftermath of Snow’s destruction. She could escape his wrath. Cato’s too.

He pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, and she leaned into his hand. This wasn’t possible. He wasn’t possible. Nonetheless, she felt hope blossoming within her, like flowers on a tree.

“Just think about it,” he said, pulling her into another kiss.

A knock on the cabin door interrupted them. Peeta frowned at the noise.

“Marvel?” Katniss asked.

“Maybe. Stay here.”

“Wait, Peeta!” He pulled his bedroom door shut behind him. 

She listened: another knock, more insistent, and Peeta’s footsteps across the floor of the sitting room. If Marvel waited in the hall, if he tried to hurt Peeta again, she would tear him apart. The memory of Cato’s violence flickered through her mind, but she blinked it away. 

She would never, ever be that girl again.

Peeta’s startled voice rang out, “Miss Trinket?”

“Good morning, Peeta. I’m so sorry to disturb you, but I’m looking for Katniss.”

“I haven’t seen her, not since breakfast yesterday. Is she all right? Do you need help looking for her?”

The words were meant to protect her, but she was surprised at the lie that fell so smoothly from his mouth.

“Peeta, I know she’s here. My father sent me to fetch her. She’s to have breakfast with him in his room.”

“Miss Trinket, I’m sorry, but I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Peeta, please…do not make this harder than it has to be. You don’t know my father.”

It wasn’t a threat, not coming from Effie’s mouth, but Katniss knew what it meant. With one last look at the rumpled blanket on the floor, Katniss entered the sitting room.

“You don’t have to go,” Peeta said.

“Thank you, Peeta, but I should get back.” Katniss stopped at his side and laid a gentle kiss on his cheek.

“Come back to my room when you can. Alright?”

Katniss nodded. She wanted to promise him, but all the hope within her way dying. Lord Snow already knew where she was, already knew about Peeta.

She walked out ahead of Effie, not daring to look back.

***

Lord Snow sat behind a table on his private stretch of the promenade deck, a cup of tea and a plate of untouched steak and eggs before him. He looked over the paperwork in his hand, ignoring both his breakfast and Katniss who had been sitting across from him for nearly five minutes. He had offered no greeting when she came in. He had yet to glance her way.

Her mind transported her back to Snow’s study in London, back to the day this all began. The same apprehension and fear that had filled her then grabbed hold of her now.

“Have I not been generous, Miss Everdeen? Have I not fulfilled my half of our agreement?” he asked, still looking at the paperwork.

She was supposed to answer, but her throat was too dry to accommodate words.

Snow glanced at her from over the paperwork and laid it on the table. Folding his hands in front of him, he asked, “Did I not allow your family to move into my cottage where they lived and ate for free? Did I not have my personal doctor treat your mother at no cost?”

“Yes, thank you, sir, I—”

“I’m not looking for thanks, I am looking for you to do your job.”

She flinched as he raised his voice. While she doubted Snow was the type to physically harm someone, there were so many other forms of punishment, and he knew them all.

“Imagine my surprise,” he continued, “when I arrived at dinner last night to find my daughter upset and my grandson furious. Imagine my surprise when you and Mr. Mellark never graced us with your presence.”

“Cato said—”

Snow hit the table, disturbing the dishes of food. Tea sloshed over the side of his cup, and Katniss fixated on the stain seeping into the white tablecloth.

“I do not care what Cato said or did. Your job is to keep him happy and gather information. You cannot gather information if you’re off gallivanting around the ship with another man.”

“I’m sorry,” Katniss said. “I didn’t mean to upset Cato. I’d never seen him like that before.”

“If you refuse to fulfill your half of the agreement, I will have no choice but to break my part as well.”

“What do you mean?”

“You will owe me the cost of room and board for your family as well as the doctor’s visit.”

Cato squeezing her jaw. Cato kicking her trunk. Cato slamming her head into the wall. The room began to spin as the images filled her mind. She wouldn’t go back to him. She couldn’t.

“He told me,” Katniss said. “About his plan with his father. They’re going to frame you.”

Snow leaned forward, a spark of interest on his cruel face.

“They’ve been stealing money, but you’re to take the blame. Your son is already in London speaking with the Board of Directors.”

“He actually confessed to you,” Snow said. He looked impressed. “He must care for you a lot to trust you with such a secret.”

“So now you know what they’re planning. I’m done with my part.”

“You are done when I say you’re done. Do you really think I would rely on an illiterate housemaid to uncover the coup they were planning? Do you really think I didn’t have people in New York and London tracking Seneca’s and Cato’s every move?”

Humiliation mixed with dread washed over her like an icy wave.

“I asked you to form a relationship with Cato because he needs a reminder that everything he has is because of me. Because of my company, my hard work, and my perseverance. I gave you to him, and I can take you away.”

A chill ran through her, as if the wave had returned to sea, leaving her drenched and freezing. She squeezed the sides of her chair to calm herself. She worried she would start shaking right here, right in front of his awful man.

“But I can’t take you away if he doesn’t have you, can I?” He paused and gave her an appraising look. She could see the wheels turning in his head, always three steps ahead of her.

“Miss Everdeen, do you know how much passage on the Titanic costs?”

Her heart rate climbed until her chest hurt.

“A suite, like the one you’re staying in with my daughter, is 800 pounds. Your ticket, as well as your family’s tickets, were a gift. But I’m afraid if you cannot perform your job, I will require repayment.”

She couldn’t catch her breath, couldn’t breathe. She was suffocating on his words. 

“Of course, I will not expect the full 800 pounds since you’re sharing the room. I am nothing if not fair, don’t you agree?” Snow tilted his head and smiled as if to share a private joke. “400 pounds plus the cost of your family’s past living expenses. You will work for me until the debt is paid.”

Currently, she earned two pounds a week. Two! She was no better at math than she was at reading, but she knew it would take years to pay Snow back.

“I would not consider running if I were you. If you try to leave, I will contact the police, and you will be arrested. I can find you wherever you go. Unless.”

“Unless?” Her voice shook, but she managed to keep her body still.

“Unless you fix it. Apologize to Cato. Get him to take you back. Act your part until we reach New York, and then you can disappear. Your debt will be paid.”

If she refused, if she was forced to work for Snow for years without wages, she would have no way of supporting her family. Prim would have to find a job, likely in a factory, with no time to attend school. And her mother? What help would she be?

“That’s it?” she asked. “Just make everything go back to the way it was?”

“Yes. That’s it. When we arrive in New York, Cato will discover his father has been incarcerated, that he has been disinherited, and that you’ve been lying to him.”

“I can do that,” she said. “I can fix it.”

She stood without waiting for a dismissal. She was halfway to the door when Snow spoke again, “And Miss Everdeen, I don’t want to hear you’ve seen or spoken with Mr. Mellark for the remainder of this trip. Don’t think his last name gives him immunity. Rumor has it a Mr. Marvel Delacourte is looking for his brother.”

Katniss rushed from the private deck, through the room, and into the hall. She barely had time to shut the door before she fell against the wall, tears stinging her eyes.

Of course, Snow would threaten Peeta too. Prim, her mother, Peeta—none of them were safe.

She just had to fix what Cato had broken. She could still make this work. She had to.

***

Effie was waiting for her when she returned to her cabin.

“Katniss?”

She tried to rush past Effie, but Effie called her name again.

“Katniss, I’m sorry about this morning. And yesterday. I’m so sorry about everything.”

Effie who always wore a magnificent dress, her hair swept up in an elaborate bun, sat on the couch in a robe, her blonde hair hanging limply over her shoulders. She reached out her hand. Rather than accept this peace offering, Katniss compromised by sitting on the opposite end of the couch.

“Cato came looking for you last night. I told him you were exhausted and sick because of everything he had done and under no circumstances was he to bother you. I’m not sure he believed me, but he didn’t check your room.”

Katniss was startled by what Effie said. When Cato had attacked her, Effie had done nothing but hover outside the door. Last night though, Effie had stood up to Cato and protected her.

“Thank you.”

“I didn’t tell my father where you were. He figured that out on his own. He insisted I bring you to him. You know he can be quite persuasive.”

“Yes,” Katniss said. Lord Snow knew exactly what to say to manipulate a situation to his advantage.

“Are you all right?”

“Yes,” Katniss repeated. “I’m just going to lie down.”

“Katniss.” Effie grabbed her hand. “Is there something I can do for you?”

“There’s nothing anyone can do,” she said and disappeared into her room.

***

Katniss sent Effie on to dinner ahead of her. She wanted to make an entrance. She wanted Cato to notice her immediately and regret his actions. If he had already come to her room looking for her, maybe he wanted to reconcile. Even if he didn’t, she could try to persuade him. She had her own set of tools.

She slipped into the red dress with the jeweled bodice and lace sleeves, the one she had found at the bottom of her trunk and swore to never wear in public. It wasn’t just that the neckline dipped much lower than she was used to, but the back of the dress mirrored the front, exposing the top half of her back. It toed the line of appropriateness, which was why Cato had purchased it for her. Every time he called her his fiancée or climbed into her bed, he was testing the boundaries of polite society. 

She hoped the sight of her bare skin would make his hands itch to touch her. She twisted her hair into an elaborate braid and pinned it into a bun at the back of her head. Staring into the mirror, she assessed her appearance. Tonight, she would not be afraid. She would not waver. 

The dress swished around her feet as she walked up the Grand Staircase, and she decided she was a fire burning a path of destruction. It would destroy Cato. If only she could destroy Snow too.

Peeta saw her first as his seat faced the entrance to the dining room. His mouth opened, desire etched across his face. She felt it too, like a cord tying her to him, pulling her forward. She would say nothing to him. She would not let him get caught in the flames.

Cato must have noticed Peeta’s expression because he turned as she approached. His face mirrored Peeta’s, but it made her stomach clench to remember that she would have to let him touch her. 

She stopped beside her chair and waited. Cato jumped up and pulled her seat out for her. She sat and picked up the menu.

“When I picked out that dress, I never imagined you would look so radiant in it,” Cato said, leaning in so only she could hear. “I want to rip it off right now.”

Katniss shuddered, but she played it off as a shiver of excitement and gave him a secret smile, hidden behind her menu from the rest of the table.

“Manners, Cato,” she said. “We must eat dinner first. What would Effie say?”

Cato’s hand skimmed her thigh underneath the table.

Katniss glanced over the top of her menu and found Peeta staring at her. She wanted to smooth the wrinkles from his brow and kiss the confused expression from his face. The longing that had plagued her since their first night on the Boat Deck had only intensified since they had kissed. Her body burned with the desire to lay a hand on his and tell him she had never wanted to hurt him. Instead, she looked away.

“You look lovely tonight, Miss Everdeen,” Peeta said from across the table. “Might I suggest the lamb?”

“Thank you,” she said without looking up at him. She knew he was trying to help, but he was also trying to stake his claim. His persistence would only make this more difficult. “Cato, what would you recommend?”

“Filet mignon.” He smirked as if Katniss’s meal choice was a battle to be won. Fine. Let him be the victor then.

“Sounds perfect,” Katniss said.

The tension between the trio was palpable, although she didn’t think Cato noticed. Every movement Peeta made caught her eye, but she kept her vision trained on the table. While Cato was eager to touch her, she would not put it past him to show up at her door for a quick fuck before returning to ignoring her. She had to do something to convince him.

After the waiter took the table’s order, Katniss leaned over and whispered her request into Cato’s ear. It hurt to say it, but it had to be done.

Cato smiled at her words and patted her hand, an assurance that he would take care of everything.

“Mr. Mellark,” Cato said. “I must ask you to change tables. My fiancée has noticed you staring at her over the past few meals, and it’s made her uncomfortable.”

Peeta was smooth enough not to look startled or upset. He simply returned his napkin to the table and tried to catch Katniss’s eye. She stared at the empty plate in front of her.

“If that’s what she wants,” Peeta said.

“It is. Don’t let me catch you looking at her again,” Cato said. “Or we’ll have a serious problem.”

Peeta hesitated, and Katniss closed her eyes, hoping he would stay quiet, hoping he would leave.

Finally, Peeta stood and left the dining room. Katniss tried to conjure up the feeling from that morning, the safety and hope as she lay in Peeta’s arms, but instead she just felt empty.

***

He would come. He would. He hadn’t said so, but his gaze had lingered on her breasts when they said goodbye after dinner.

He would come.

He had to.

Katniss tightened her robe and paced her bedroom floor. If Cato didn’t come, she had no idea what her next move would be. She couldn’t exactly show up at his door, not with Lord Snow in the adjacent bedroom.

The clock chimed the eleventh hour. She sat back on the bed, defeated. Once she sat still, the anxiety returned, and all she could think of was Peeta. Back to her feet. Back to pacing. Back to hoping for a man she didn’t want.

Half past eleven, Cato knocked on her door, surprising her. He had a key to the cabin and usually barged in. She called out for him to come inside.

He lingered in the doorway. “Katniss.”

“I’m so glad you came tonight,” she said. “I was afraid you wouldn’t.”

“I stopped by last night.”

She moved behind him, shut the door, and leaned back against it.

“Effie told me this morning,” she said. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t feeling well last night. My head…” She trailed off, wondering if the wounded girl act would work. He had always felt such remorse after their arguments, but he had never been violent before.

“God, I’m so sorry.” He touched her cheek, and she leaned into his hand. Peeta had done almost the same thing this morning. Peeta’s hand had been soft and warm and gentle. Peeta would never—

She stopped. Took a breath.

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I said. I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done for me. I was just upset that you didn’t believe me.”

He leaned down to kiss her, pinning her against the door. This move was nothing new, but it panicked her now as she recalled the last time he had her pinned against the wall. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. She put a hand on his chest and gently pushed him away.

“I love you.” It came out as a gasp. “I hope you know that.”

“I love you too,” he said. “Nothing like that will ever happen again. I promise.”

She nodded as if she believed him. As if she would ever believe another word that fell from his mouth.

Hand still on his chest, she pushed him into the center of the room. She untied her robe and let it fall to her feet, revealing she had nothing on underneath.

“God, Katniss. You’re so beautiful.” His words were gentle but his touch was not. He grabbed her, trapping her in his arms, and pressed his mouth against hers. He forced his tongue in her mouth, and she kissed him back, hating the taste of him.

He began the arduous process of unbuttoning his shirt, and she helped, pushing it off his shoulders when the last button was undone. His pants were next, kicked aside and landing beside her robe. He sat on the bed. She was about to climb into his lap, but he put up a hand to stop her.

“I want you to show me how much you love me.”

She thought of Prim working hours at a factory and coming home with a black eye. She thought of her mother, fading away from hunger and illness. She thought of Peeta, a knife at his throat over a debt he didn’t owe.

This wasn’t new, her and Cato. She had done this before. She had given herself away long ago. What were a few more days of playing the part?

She kneeled in front of him, laid a hand on his thigh, and promised herself this would all be over soon.


	5. April 14, 1912

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with me. And thank you for the kudos and the comments! Just two chapters left after this one. I upped the rating just in case.

The air was thick and hot against Katniss’s skin as she shed her nightgown. She skimmed the water with her fingertips, disturbing the steam that rose off the surface. She ignored her initial discomfort as she lowered herself into the hot water. She imagined scorch marks crisscrossing over her skin, burning away the memory of last night.

Cato had left only moments ago, insisting that she remain behind while he and Effie ate breakfast.

“I kept you up awfully late,” he had said into her ear, hand pressed into the small of her back. “Maybe you should rest for the morning. I have some business to attend to after we eat.”

Katniss had forced herself to pout about his absence, but the truth was every minute without him was a moment she could breathe. His presence was like water in her lungs.

She scrubbed every inch of her body, careful around the bruises Cato had left behind. He had grabbed her too roughly, held her too tightly, and now she had a trail of blue and purple bruises, a map of his jealousy and suspicion.

Her knees were in worse shape. Her trunk had left an twin bruises behind.

Just three more nights. She could handle three more nights. And then…

She wasn’t sure. Snow would probably want her present as he revealed Cato’s losses one at a time, like peeling back layers of burnt skin.

Seneca’s arrest.

Cato’s disinheritance.

Her manipulation.

While she would love to witness Cato’s world going up in flames, she was scared of his reaction. If he hurt her, she doubted Snow would intervene. Snow probably had it planned that way: let Cato take out his anger on her rather than his grandfather. Maybe he’d kill her, and Snow could have him arrested like Seneca. 

And then they’d all be gone. All loose ends tied up.

Katniss shuddered. Better to slip away as soon as the ship docked in New York. Snow had to consider the deal fulfilled by the time they disembarked. And then she could disappear with her mother and Prim and…Peeta.

The idea was tempting. Very tempting. But could she really allow herself to rely so completely on someone else? Could she once again let her fate rest in the hands of a man?

But Peeta wasn’t like Cato. Their only shared traits were an abundance of money and blonde hair. She had lain beside Peeta all night, and he had not touched her without her consent. He had promised any help he gave her was not dependent on a sexual relationship.

As the bath water cooled, she thought of Peeta’s mouth on hers, and his hand tracing her collarbone. She almost never allowed herself to hope for things. Whatever would happen would happen. All she could do was plan and anticipate and plan some more.

But she found herself hoping for Peeta. In whatever capacity she could have him.

She stepped out of the tub and toweled off before slipping into her robe. In the midst of combing her hair, she heard a knock on the cabin door. She froze, unsure of what to expect. Cato or Effie wouldn’t knock. Dread swept through her as she considered the possibility that Snow was paying her a visit.

What else could he possibly have to say? What other demands could he make?

She pulled her robe as tight as possible and walked into the sitting room. Another knock. And then a voice:

“Katniss?”

Peeta. She threw open the door, confirmed no one was around, and ushered him inside.

“You can’t be here,” she said.

“It’s all right. Cato is at breakfast with Effie. I’ll only stay a minute.”

“No, if Lord Snow finds out you were here…” She shook her head, not completing the thought.

“Cato’s grandfather? What does he have to do with this?”

“I’m sorry, Peeta. I’m sorry about last night too, but you have to go. Now.”

She moved toward him as if to push him out, but he held up his hands to stop her. “Wait. Tell me what’s going on.”

She hesitated, although she wasn’t sure why. What Snow was doing to her wasn’t any worse than what Peeta already knew about Cato. It had just been a secret for so long, it was terrifying to say the words aloud.

“He’s the reason I’m with Cato. He threatened me and my family. He threatened you.”

Peeta frowned. “Me?”

“He knows about Marvel. If I don’t do exactly what he says then we’re all in a lot of trouble.”

His jaw tensed. “This is ridiculous. I won’t let him do this to you. You’re coming back to my room, and you’re staying there until we dock.”

“Peeta, please, listen to me. It’s just for a few more days. If I just keep playing my part, then I’m free once we’re in New York. And then we can leave. Together.”

His hands were fists at his sides. He looked ready to punch something. Or someone.

“I don’t like this. I can’t just stand by while you’re forced to—to—“

She grabbed both his hands and squeezed. “Please. Just a few more days.”

“If you’re in trouble, if you need help, you can come to me. I don’t care what Snow said he’d do to me. I’m here, okay?”

She nodded. “Okay.”

“And you don’t have to apologize for last night. I shouldn’t have said anything. It was my fault, and I’m sorry. I’ll stay away until we reach New York.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, relieved that Peeta had not demanded a further explanation. One day she would tell him about her first meeting with Snow, the situation she was forced into, but it was too much to explain right now.

Peeta closed the gap between them and placed a soft kiss to her lips. 

“I’ll see you soon,” he said.

Before he could let her go, she kissed him again. She knew it was foolish. She knew he had to leave immediately, but she wanted to keep him. Just for a little longer.

He slipped his tongue into her mouth, escalating the kiss from slow and gentle to fast and desperate. She felt as if she was back in the bathwater, her body burning in the heat and the steam. She wrapped an arm around his back and hooked her leg around his.

His fingertips traced a path from her neck to her collarbone, and then beneath her robe, slipping it off her shoulder. She gasped as his mouth followed the same path, pausing just above her breast.

“Don’t,” she whispered. “Don’t stop.”

He backed her into the table behind the sofa. She leaned against it, her hands clutching the sides as his mouth drifted further, his tongue catching a few water droplets that still dotted her skin. Finally, he took her nipple into his mouth, and she had to bite her lip to keep from crying out.

She was unraveling, desire unspooling and consuming her. This was much too fast, and yet she wanted to expedite the process. Slip off her robe. Rip off his shirt. Pull him into her bedroom.

He kissed the space between her breasts as his hand drifted down to her hipbone. She winced.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, pulling away. “Did I hurt you?” he asked.

“No, it’s nothing,” she said, trying to control her breathing. She was tired of the outside world interfering with every moment they had together. Lust still clouded her head, but the pain had broken the spell.

“It’s something.” He touched her hip once more through the silk fabric of her robe. 

“It’s just a bruise. I’m fine.”

Something dark and unfamiliar passed behind Peeta’s eyes.

“A bruise?” he asked.

It was only two words, and yet he had never sounded so dangerous. It was easy to forget that this was the same man who had punched Marvel for insulting her, who baited Cato over breakfast. She was relieved she had never described Cato’s attack. Somehow, she didn’t think he’d let her go so easily then. Not even for a few days.

“I’m fine,” she repeated.

“Can I see?”

She untied her robe and pulled it aside to reveal her hip. “See? It’s not a big deal.”

He stared down at the black and blue bruises that Cato had given her. They were small and circular, like fingerprints left on her body. Peeta knelt in front of her and kissed one of the marks. His lips were gentle, barely brushing against her skin, but the sensation was somehow more intense than their kiss. The spell recast, her eyes fluttered shut and she let the robe fall from her fingers.

She heard his intake of breath, but she wasn’t sure if it stemmed from desire or anger. The rest of her body was revealed, but so were her bruises.

“Katniss.”

She didn’t look down. She refused to cut this moment short because of Cato’s violence.

Peeta kissed her hip again. With one hand on the table to keep her balance, she let the other wander through his hair. She moaned as his mouth moved from her hip to her thigh.

She wanted him. Wanted this.

“Katniss.”

This time her name was a question. She looked down at him, his blue eyes darkened with lust, his hand resting on her inner thigh. 

Her name was a question, and her answer was yes.

“Honestly, Cato, you didn’t allow me to finish my breakfast!” Effie’s shrill voice rang out from the hallway.

Peeta shot up to his feet while Katniss closed her robe and retied the sash.

While she couldn’t hear the reply, Katniss recognized the low timber of Cato’s voice just outside the door.

“My bedroom. Now,” Katniss whispered, indicating her room with a tilt of her head.

Peeta disappeared inside. The door closed gently behind him just as Effie and Cato walked in.

“Katniss!” Cato exclaimed. “You’re here.”

“I told you I was taking a bath,” she said. Was her breathing irregular? Were her cheeks flushed? She could still feel Peeta’s mouth on her thigh. It left a throbbing between her legs and a longing that physically hurt. “Where else would I be?”

“You made us rush back from breakfast to confirm your fiancée took her bath?” Effie demanded. She turned to Katniss, hands on her hips. “He was absolutely rude to Mr. and Mrs. Everitt. We were in the middle of a conversation, I had barely touched my food, and Cato stands up and insists he has to return to the room.”

“You didn’t have to come,” Cato said.

“Well, I had to make it look like some kind of family emergency, didn’t I? I couldn’t have the whole ship thinking we’re rude and inconsiderate!”

Katniss watched their exchanged in silence, her heart beating much too loudly for her to hear much of it. She tightened the sash around her waist and tried to calm herself. Terror that Peeta would be discovered mixed with anger and relief that they had been interrupted.

It was good that they had stopped. They had been moving much too fast. After a year with Cato, Katniss had forgotten that sex carried an important weight in society. It wasn’t something to be offered on a whim. At least, she didn’t want it to be like that. Not anymore.

Her first time had been a quick, unceremonious fuck bent over the desk in an empty bedroom, Cato’s hand over her mouth to stifle her gasps of discomfort. The rest of her sexual history was a blur of shadowy corners and the darkness of Cato’s bedroom. She wondered what it would be like to sleep with someone she actually cared for. To want to give pleasure and receive it in return. 

She wondered what it was like to love someone and be loved back.

“I’m sorry, Aunt Effie,” Cato said with a strained smile. He turned toward Katniss. “I wanted to make sure you were still here.” He took her hand in his and kissed it. “I’m so sorry I doubted you. Again. I thought you’d be gone.”

“Of course I’m here,” Katniss said. “Where would I go?”

This time Cato’s smile was wide and genuine. “You’re spending the afternoon with me. Come on, let’s get you dressed.” He tugged her toward her bedroom.

Before Katniss could object, Effie intervened. “Absolutely not,” she said. “You’re not married yet. It’s completely inappropriate.”

“Aunt Effie—“ Cato began.

“Don’t start!” Effie snapped. Her voice was not only its usual boisterous volume, but it was also strong. It did not invite opposition. “It may not be a secret that the two of you are engaging in premarital…activities, but I refuse to have you flaunt it in front of me.”

Cato dropped Katniss’s hand, startled at the sudden authority his aunt was exercising.

“You will let her dress by herself in the privacy of her bedroom.”

“Effie, you’re—”

“I am tired of you showing me nothing but disrespect. You will sit on the couch and wait.”

“Fine,” Cato said, sinking into the couch cushions. He crossed his arms like a petulant child.

Katniss cast a curious glance at Effie before disappearing into her bedroom. She fell back against the door once she shut it behind her.

Peeta stood in front of her bed, amidst the dresses strewn along the floor. She had yet to pick them up and was unlikely to do so before reaching New York.

He mouthed an apology to her. She shook her head. She was the one who had selfishly kept him too long. This was her fault.

She untied her robe, and Peeta turned around to face the wall. She almost laughed at his sudden modesty. Only a few minutes ago, she had been entirely exposed, and he had been on his knees before her.

She dressed quickly, not wanting to give Cato a reason to burst into her room. After tying her hair in a loose braid, she rested her forehead against Peeta’s back. He turned and pulled her into his arms. He pressed a kiss to the side of her head, and whispered, “Three more days.”

She nodded against his chest. She lingered for as long as she dared, and then, finally, she let go.

Closing the bedroom door behind her, she presented herself to Cato.

As they left the cabin, she was careful not give her room a backwards glance.

***

Cato led them to the inquiry desk, but there was nothing waiting for him.

“Check again,” he snapped. “Cato Snow. I don’t suppose you need me to spell it?”

“Cato, you’re being rude,” Katniss said before offering an apologetic smile at the officer manning the pneumatic tube. 

“My father was supposed to send me a telegram yesterday. I don’t understand why I haven’t heard from him yet.”

She looked away, unable to offer him a soothing answer. It wasn’t guilt that ran through her but rather fear. She had no desire to go behind Snow’s back and tell Cato what had happened, but she dreaded what Cato would do if he found out before reaching New York.

Specifically, if he found out she knew. 

She grabbed his hand and squeezed, hoping it inspired some reassurance.

“I’ll send him another telegram,” Cato decided. “Maybe he’ll respond tonight.”

Cato wrote out a brief message. She couldn’t read it, but she doubted it revealed anything incriminating. Cato was careful, but he underestimated his grandfather’s reach. It hadn’t taken much time for Katniss to realize Snow was always at least one step ahead, and Cato had grown up with him. How could Cato have been foolish enough to think he could win?

After the inquiry office, Katniss was subjected to two hours of listening to Cato socialize with three men he had met earlier in the trip. The played poker, smoked cigars, and mostly ignored her presence. She felt like an accessory, something to be gawked at and admired rather than spoken to or acknowledged.

Lunch in the dining room was a relief as Cato sat them at a table for two. While she had no interest in attempting a conversation with him, it was better than sitting in the smoke-filled room where she had been the only woman.

“I was thinking after we finish lunch we could go and visit your family,” Cato said.

Katniss nearly choked on her tea. “I’m sorry?”

“I still feel awful about what happened, and I want to make it up to you.”

She looked away, annoyed at his choice of words. He could apologize all he wanted, but he would never completely accept the blame. His attack was something that had happened rather than something he had done. 

“I thought you didn’t want to go down to third class,” she said. “You said it was inappropriate.”

Cato took her hand across the table. “When has anything about us ever been considered appropriate?” He winked as if the nature of their relationship was a private joke they could revel in.

Katniss forced a smile.

“I was wrong to keep you from visiting your family. I want to go down there and tell them we’re engaged.”

“What?” She put down her fork and shook her head. “No, we can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Cato, they have no idea we’re even…seeing each other. My mother won’t react well.”

“They need to know eventually.”

They didn’t, actually. If Katniss had her way, they would escape to Montana without ever knowing about her relationship with Cato. While she could care less about her mother’s opinion, she feared Prim would think of her differently. She couldn’t stand the idea of Prim looking at her with disappointment. Or disgust.

“I really don’t think—”

Cato cut her off. “You said I take everything from you. I’m just trying to fix it.”

“Thank you,” Katniss said. She could tell from Cato’s tone of voice that he was getting frustrated, so she gave in. She had to keep him happy. Whatever he wanted was his.

***

“Engaged?” Prim cried. “What about—” She caught herself in time, but her expression was pained as she looked from Katniss to Cato.

“What about what?” Cato asked, an arm around Katniss’s waist.

He had shared the news with a wide grin in the Third Class General Room. While Prim and Mrs. Everdeen sat on one of the wooden benches, Cato and Katniss remained standing. Cato had cast a wary glance around the room and refused to sit. He was probably afraid he’d catch something if he did. 

“Nothing,” Prim said. “I just thought…I’d have Katniss to myself a little longer.”

Prim covered up her misstep well, although Katniss was dying to speak with her alone. Prim could have spilled everything in front of Cato and demanded answers, but she held back. Did she understand that this wasn’t real? Or did she think Katniss’s plan was pushed aside in favor of a simpler solution?

“When did this happen?” Mrs. Everdeen asked.

Katniss didn’t have the energy to lie. Cato had wanted this, so he could make up whatever he wanted. She knew he wouldn’t tell the truth.

“I proposed the first night on board,” Cato said.

“The first night?” Prim stared at Katniss, surprise and confusion etched across her face.

“No,” Mrs. Everdeen said. “I mean, how long have you been courting her? When did the two of you fall in love?”

“Well,” Cato began, “I admired her from afar for months before I had the courage to speak to her.”

Katniss suppressed her urge to scowl as she remembered the way he had grabbed her that first time and slipped a hand beneath her dress the second. He had been surprised when she consented to his touch and kissed him back. He hadn’t even questioned her change of heart. Only someone as arrogant as him wouldn’t suspect something was amiss.

Cato spun a tale of a budding romance, of hands brushing as Katniss served dinner, of stolen glances whenever they passed in the hall. It made her sick until she remade the story in her head and cast Peeta in place of Cato.

Yes, she could see how someone could fall in love over time, with talking and smiling and the touch of a hand. It seemed incredibly easy with a person like Peeta who made her happy just by being in the same room.

She knew it was much too early to think above love, but it was the possibility of it, the idea that maybe one day she could feel something like that for him, that kept the dreamy look on her face as Cato spoke.

Prim looked horrified.

“We’ll be married next month,” Cato said. “And Katniss and I will find a home for you nearby. You won’t have to worry about food or keeping warm every again. Doesn’t that sound wonderful?”

“Oh, yes,” Prim said in a syrupy sweet voice. “We would like nothing more.”

Cato frowned but said nothing. He shook Mrs. Everdeen’s hand, although he held his arm away from his body afterwards as if contaminated. Katniss was certain he would wash his hands as soon as he reached his room.

Didn’t he understand that this was Katniss’s family? That they shared the same blood, the same history of poverty and illness? He probably thought her beyond all that after having been in the mansion for so long.

Katniss hugged her sister tightly, knowing she likely wouldn’t see Prim again until the ship docked. There would be no chance to explain, but she could, at least, offer a little reassurance.

“Nothing has changed,” Katniss whispered. “I’ll explain everything later, I promise.”

Doubt flickered across Prim’s face. Prim had always trusted Katniss. She hadn’t questioned her when Katniss moved them into the cottage on the Snow Estate or announced their move to America. Even the plan to run away to Montana had been accepted without suspicion or doubt. But this—this was too much. A secret relationship? An engagement that Katniss hadn’t shared despite having visited twice?

They told each other everything. Or so Prim had believed.

***

Cato walked Katniss back to her cabin and gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek.

“I have some business to attend to. I’ll walk you to dinner tonight,” he said.

Relieved that he was leaving, Katniss nodded and thanked him for the afternoon. Letting herself in, she wondered if Peeta had managed to sneak out after she left. A small, fiery part of her hoped that he hadn’t, that she would find him lounging on her bed, waiting for her.

The sitting room was dark and quiet. Katniss was about to enter her bedroom when Effie opened her door. She looked as she did yesterday when she had called out to Katniss: stripped down and much older.

“Katniss, can I speak with you?”

Katniss would have preferred to disappear into her room without a word, but she was grateful for Effie’s earlier behavior. She felt obligated to listen to Effie for at least a few minutes.

“Of course.”

They sat on opposite ends of the couch.

“I let him out of your room ten minutes after you left. I don’t think anyone saw him leave,” Effie said.

Katniss jerked her head in surprise. “What?”

“Peeta,” Effie clarified, as if Katniss had a number of suitors in rotation. “I had a feeling he was somewhere in the cabin.”

Katniss squeezed her eyes shut as dread washed over her. She had allowed a moment of weakness, of selfishness, to ruin everything.

“I saw him come into the dining room this morning and leave just as quickly. It’s why I accompanied Cato to the room. I thought he might be here.”

“Did you already tell Lord Snow?” Katniss asked.

“Oh, heavens no!” Effie exclaimed. “Why would I do that?”

“Because he’s your father.”

Effie reached for Katniss. Katniss’s instinct was to pull away, but she allowed the older woman to grasp her hand. 

“I’m so sorry, Katniss. For everything that has happened to you. I know my father has some sort of hold on you. You don’t need to tell me, but I’ll try to help in any way I can.”

Effie’s touch suddenly seemed less like an intrusion and more like reassurance. It felt almost maternal. Katniss hadn’t received that type of affection in nearly three years.

“I don’t understand why you’re being so nice to me,” Katniss said.

“I know I could be cruel back in London. My father’s behavior is no excuse for how I acted.” Effie sniffled and dabbed her eyes with a tissue.

“I forget sometimes,” Effie said, “that servants are people too.”

Katniss drew back against the arm of the couch, out of Effie’s grasp.

“I know how that sounds, but I’m trying to be honest. I forget that people outside our class have lives and worries just like anyone else. It makes it easier to order you around or see you unhappy. I’m sorry.”

“Thank you,” Katniss mumbled. She was caught between disgust at Effie’s confession and gratitude that Effie had apologized. She wasn’t sure what else to say.

“I don’t want to be like my father. Not anymore. So if there’s anything I can do, please let me know.”

Katniss nodded, once again surprised at Effie’s actions. This couldn’t be the same woman who had ordered her around for a year and a half. Where had this compassion and strength come from?

“Please be careful. You can’t believe a word he says.”

“Has he always been like this?” Katniss asked.

“Yes,” Effie said, staring off into nothing. Perhaps she was lapsing into a memory of cruelty directed at her. Katniss doubted she had escaped her childhood unscathed. “He’s only gotten worse.”

***

Cato let out a sigh of pleasure as Katniss shifted on top of him. He was on his back in bed, shirt already discarded and belt undone. She straddled his waist, still in her slip, although he would rip that off soon enough.

He had spent all of dinner pawing her under the table and insisted they leave before dessert was served.

Peeta hadn’t been anywhere in the dining room. She assumed he was eating with his brother.

“You look gorgeous tonight,” Cato said, his hands slipping up her thighs and underneath her slip. He grabbed her hips and she winced.

“You don’t like that?” he asked, squeezing her harder.

“Cato, please,” she said. “It hurts.”

He flipped them over so he was now on top. He pushed up her slip and examined the bruises that colored her hips, thighs, and knees. 

“Are these from me?” he asked.

She looked away, not wanting to discuss it. She wasn’t sure what his reaction would be when confronted with evidence of his violence. Maybe he would get angry. Maybe he would do it again.

He kissed her hipbone, his tongue darting out to taste her skin.

She gasped as desire coursed through her, but she forced it away, knowing it wasn’t desire for him.

Cato kissed a trail to her inner thigh, and she couldn’t take it, couldn’t stand to have him mirror Peeta’s actions one second longer.

It was a poor imitation anyway.

“Don’t,” Katniss said. Cato glanced up at her, confused. “It hurts when you do that.”

“I’m barely touching you.”

Katniss pushed her slip back down and Cato rolled off her with an exasperated sigh.

“What is wrong with you today?” he demanded. “All I’m trying to do is make you happy, and you’re fighting me every step of the way.”

“I’m sorry,” she said in a small voice. She hated that voice, hated how often she had to apologize. If she made herself any smaller, she was going to disappear.

“Do you even want to get married?” he asked. “Are you even happy?”

“Of course!”

Katniss climbed back on top of him. She raked her nails over his chest, down his stomach, until she reached his belt loops.

“I’m so lucky to have you,” she whispered.

She pulled her slip over her head and that was all it took. Anger and complaints forgotten, Cato pulled her into a kiss.

***

After, Katniss was prepared to fall asleep beside Cato as that had become their routine on the ship, but he surprised her by getting up and putting on his clothes. Excitement sparked through her at the thought of spending the night alone. She had no intention of sneaking out. She did not plan on being that foolish again. But any time away from Cato was a gift.

“Get dressed,” he said, dashing her hopes. “Let’s go for a walk.”

While Peeta had promised he would stay away, she was afraid he might be up on the Boat Deck—waiting for her or worrying for her. Either way, she’d rather not run into him.

“Come back to bed,” Katniss said. “It’s too cold for a walk.”

Cato slammed his fist onto the nightstand table, making her jump. “Damn it, Katniss. You go for a walk by yourself every damn night, and now suddenly, it’s too cold?”

“I’m sorry,” she said, pulling off the sheet. She reached for her dress draped on the ground. “I didn’t think it was something you’d enjoy. You don’t need to go out of your way for me.”

“Come on,” he said. “Get dressed.”

He went out into the sitting room, and she tried to calm her breathing. He had gone from calm to volatile back to calm in just a few seconds. She decided to erase her entire vocabulary except for the words “Yes” and “I’m sorry.” It was all he wanted to hear from her.

She dressed and followed him out of the cabin to the Grand Staircase. They were met with a sharp wind when they stepped out onto the Boat Deck. It was colder than Katniss remembered it being their first night on board. Cato slipped an arm through hers and they walked along the deck.

“You really enjoy this?” Cato asked.

“It’s refreshing. I don’t like being stuck inside for too long.”

“That’s right,” Cato said. “You grew up on a farm.”

She was surprised he remembered. She had mentioned her childhood only once in passing.

“Maybe we’ll get a house near Gramercy Park.”

“What’s that?” she asked.

Cato laid his free hand over hers, where it rested on the crook of his elbow. “It’s one of the only private parks in New York. If we buy a house nearby and pay for a key, we’ll have access to it whenever we like. It’s not a farm, but it’s something, right?”

Katniss was taken aback. She didn’t understand Cato, and she never would. She had spent several nights lying awake, wondering why she had been unfortunate enough to attract his attention. She determined it was the thrill of sneaking around under his grandfather’s nose, but now he claimed he loved her and wanted to marry her. Even if she had no intention of following through with proposal, she still wondered why he had chosen her. She knew he could have any girl he wanted. He had the right smile and the right last name. She was sure there were society girls similar to her—girls that would remake themselves over and over to please whoever they had to.

Maybe Cato really did think this was love. She had never met his mother or his grandmother, so she had no idea what examples he had growing up. 

In the end, the reason didn’t matter. He would learn soon enough that he couldn’t bully someone into loving him.

“That sounds wonderful,” she said. “That’s so thoughtful of you.”

“We’ll get a nearby apartment for your mother and sister. They’ll be able to visit whenever you like.” He pulled her over to the First Class Lounge. “Let’s go inside for a minute and warm up.”

The heat enveloped them in a warm embrace as soon as the door shut behind them. Katniss recognized Marvel sitting in an armchair nearby, and a chill ran through her as if the heat had vanished from the room. Marvel raised his drink in a toast as soon as their eyes met. Not even the sight of a purple bruise beneath his eye could warm her.

“We’re going to make ourselves sick with too many temperature changes,” Katniss said. “Let’s get back outside.”

“Wait,” Cato said. “Is that—Marvel!” He laughed and dragged Katniss over to where his friend sat. “I can’t believe it. I had no idea you’d be on this trip.”

“Good evening, Cato.” Marvel stood up and shook his hand. “It was a last minute arrangement.”

“What are you doing up so late?”

“Business meeting, actually.” Marvel glanced at his gold pocket watch. “They should be arriving soon.”

“In that case, we won’t keep you,” Cato said. “But before we go, I’d like for you to meet my fiancée, Katniss. Katniss, this is Marvel Delacourte.”

With no other choice, Katniss held out her hand. “It’s so nice to meet you, Katniss.” Marvel grasped her hand and brought it to his lips. “I must say you look familiar.”

“Perhaps you saw me at one of Lord Snow’s parties,” she suggested, hoping he was just trying to scare her.

“No, I don’t believe so. Let me think…”

Cato frowned, looking back and forth between Marvel and Katniss.

“Maybe in the dining room?” Katniss said.

If Marvel was friends with Cato, if they were close enough to swap stories of their sexual escapades, then he knew how volatile Cato was. Marvel couldn’t know that Cato already suspected a relationship between her and Peeta, but he didn’t have to. Any sighting with another man would be enough to send Cato into a rage.

“I know!” Marvel snapped his fingers. “Our first night on board. You were out late taking a walk.”

“Yes,” Katniss said. “I was having trouble sleeping, and I—” A description of the scene she had stumbled upon was ready to pour of out of her mouth, but Marvel cut her off.

“You were walking with Peeta Mellark.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Katniss saw Cato stiffen. He looked over at her, his face already turning red.

“I believe you’re mistaken,” Katniss said. “I was out for a walk when I saw you holding a knife to Mr. Mellark’s throat. I intervened to prevent a serious injury.”

“I beg to differ,” Marvel said, pointing to his eye. “I approached you, asked what you were doing out so late, and Peeta attacked me. I understand why now. Apparently the two of you were sneaking around.”

“We weren’t.” Katniss shook her head, but she wasn’t sure Cato could hear her anymore. Rage had transformed his face. His hands were fists at his sides. “We weren’t walking together. We weren’t sneaking around,” Katniss said. “Nothing—”

Cato slapped her. She gasped more from the shock than the pain. There was almost no one around, but she couldn’t believe he would hurt her here, in public.

“I’m so sorry,” Marvel said. “Better to learn about her infidelity now than after the wedding.”

Katniss turned back to Cato. She spotted Peeta in the entrance of the lounge over Cato’s shoulder. Of course. He was the one meeting with Marvel. He was probably trying to settle his brother’s debt again after she mentioned Lord Snow’s knowledge of it this morning.

She couldn’t let this confrontation happen. She had to salvage this, and it would be impossible if Peeta witnessed Cato’s anger.

She turned and hurried from the room, hoping Cato would follow her back onto the Boat Deck.

She was almost to the door when Cato shoved her, and she fell, landing on her hands and knees. The pain from landing on her bruises combined with the cold that would not leave her left her feeling brittle. The next time Cato touched her, she would break.

“Get up,” he ordered through clenched teeth. “Now!”

Katniss stood, and Cato wrenched her arm behind her back. “Let’s continue this conversation back in the cabin.”

He spun her around and she let him, already in a haze of pain.

“Hey!” Peeta charged toward them. He yanked on Cato’s arm before punching him in the face. 

Cato doubled over and swore. Peeta got in one more punch before Marvel tackled him to the ground.

“I told you there would be consequences if you didn’t leave her alone,” Cato said.

“I’ll handle him,” Marvel said. “Go on ahead.”

Cato pushed Katniss out the door. Somehow, it was even colder than before. Her teeth chattered despite her coat. She tried to look back to make sure Peeta was all right, but Cato filled the doorframe.

“I believed you!” Cato yelled. “I can’t believe you made me feel so guilty when you were sneaking around with him the whole time!”

“Cato, please, you have to listen to me.” She held up her hands in front of her, a white flag and a plea. “I didn’t lie. I love you.”

Cato kicked the door, leaving a dent in the wood. “I don’t know what I could have done differently,” he said. “I did everything I could think of for you, and you just threw it all in my face.”

“That’s not true. Nothing has changed.”

Cato yanked her forward by the collar of her coat. He dug his fingers into her hair and pressed his forehead against hers. “You’re a liar and a whore.”

Peeta burst through the door behind Cato. He was bleeding from the mouth, but otherwise looked fine.

“Let her go!” Peeta demanded.

Cato still had her by her hair. It would have been so much more painful if the cold hadn’t turned most of her body numb.

“You know, Katniss, I could throw you over the railing just like I did your jewelry, and almost no one would notice.”

“Don’t move,” Peeta warned in a low voice.

“It’s what you deserve,” Cato said, his mouth against her ear.

Before Cato could make another move, a terrible crunching noise filled the night, and the deck trembled. Cato swung them around in time to catch sight of an iceberg rising out of the water like an angry giant. It scraped the side of the ship as the ship passed, and then just as quickly, it was gone, invisible once more in the dark.

Peeta used the distraction to drive his shoulder into Cato’s stomach. The air knocked out of him, Cato released Katniss and turned to fight back. Peeta tackled him, and Cato landed on his back, his head smacking into the desk. Somehow, he remained conscious but was too dazed to push Peeta off. Peeta landed another two punches before Katniss shouted his name.

She could barely follow the events unfolding in front of her from Cato’s violence to Peeta’s retaliation to the monster that rose out of the water. There was no salvaging this situation. She and Cato were done, and Snow would make her pay, but for now, she just had to get herself and Peeta out of there.

“Are you all right?” Peeta asked, standing up.

She nodded although she had never been further from the definition. He took her hand, and they rushed toward the Grand Staircase, thinking they could outrun the disaster behind them.


	6. April 15, 1912 (Part I)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I split this part into two. The next update shouldn't take nearly as long. Thanks for reading!

They ran past guests and officers and beautiful, gaudy decorations. 

They ran beneath chandeliers, down the steps of the grandest staircase a ship had ever seen and Katniss had the privilege to descend.

They ran until they reached a random hallway of second-class staterooms.

And then they stopped.

Katniss had barely caught her breath before Peeta’s mouth was on hers, pleading, begging, apologizing. His tongue held the metallic taste of blood, but she kissed him back, pulled him close. He was shaking so hard, she was afraid he would break if she let him go.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

He said it over and over as he peppered her face with kisses, smoothed down her hair, ran a hand across her cheek and neck to check for injuries.

It was then that she realized how steady his hands were. His words and expression were panicked, but his body was still in comparison to hers.

She was the one trembling. She was the one freezing cold and terrified and ready to crumble at the slightest bit of pressure.

She was the one who was weak.

“I couldn’t let you leave with him,” Peeta said. “I didn’t know what he was going to do.”

She placed her hand on his chest and gently pushed him away. “It’s not your fault.” 

Her voice was calm and steady. She focused all of her attention on her limbs and imagined the quiet, still green fields of her childhood home. She pictured a day without wind or worry, and slowly the trembling subsided.

What was the use in worrying? There was nothing to be done now, no dress to wear or sweet words to deliver. Cato was furious, and even if he tried to hide her misdeeds from his grandfather out of shame, Snow would find out.

He always did.

“When we reach New York, will you keep an eye on Prim and my mother? At least until you leave?” she asked.

“Nothing’s changed. We’re all leaving. Together.”

She shook her head.

“Katniss, I can help you. Whatever you need.”

“I need you to help Prim and my mother find a place to live. They’ll need jobs too. Prim’s smart. She’s so smart, Peeta.”

“We’re not staying in New York,” he said.

“I owe Snow over four hundred pounds,” she said. “It’ll take me years to pay off the debt.”

Peeta held her hands. His skin was still cold from the evening air, but she barely noticed. She was too preoccupied with the memory of Cato’s hand tugging on her hair, his mouth pressed to her ear, his threat to throw her overboard. She thought of the monster that rose out of the ocean, distracting Cato, and giving Peeta and her a chance to run. 

Had any of that really happened? Had Cato really tried to kill her? Had the ship really struck something? Already the events that transpired seemed hazy and colorless, like a film experienced at the cinema. 

She felt her body going numb. She was good at shutting herself off when everything became too much to handle. It was how she had survived her father’s death. She had carried on as usual, working the farm, feeding her family, but she felt nothing. Sadness and worry were for the weak.

And she couldn’t afford to be weak.

“I’ll pay it for you,” Peeta said, a desperate edge to his voice.

Gratitude tried to penetrate her newly formed shell, but it was as unsuccessful as the shame over being Peeta’s charity case. He knew the bare minimum about her relationship with the Snow family, and yet he was willing to do whatever it took to save her.

How could he still not see it? She was a poor, uneducated whore. She didn’t deserve to be saved.

She shook her head. “You don’t understand. He’ll never accept it.”

“Money is money,” he insisted. “Dollars, pounds, it’s all the same no matter whose pocket it comes from.”

“Not to him. It’s not about the money. It’s about control.”

“I won’t let this happen.”

She stared at him, mesmerized by the way the color of his eyes had changed from a cloudless sky to an overcast blue, a reflection of the storm gathering strength inside him. He would fight for her, and he would lose.

But what would he lose? His reputation? His money? His life?

Snow was capable of anything.

“I have to check on my family,” she said. “Make sure they’re all right.”

“Of course. Let’s go.” He turned, her hand still clasped in his, but she pulled him back.

“I should go alone.”

“There’s no way I’m letting you out of my sight,” he said. “Not with everything that’s happened.”

“I don’t want to explain your presence. I don’t want to tell them about Cato. Not yet.”

“Then don’t,” Peeta said. “You don’t have to explain anything.”

“You need to check on your brother,” she reminded him. “Snow knows about Rye’s debt. I don’t know what he’ll do, but you need to be there for him.”

“Rye’s a big boy,” Peeta said. “He got himself into this situation. I’ve done all I can.”

“Please,” Katniss said. “Just give me the night to be with my family.”

Finally, Peeta dropped her hand. His sigh turned into a groan as he rubbed his forehead.

“I’m coming first thing tomorrow morning. Okay?”

“Yes. Thank you.” She cupped his cheek, her mind already forming a plan to distance herself from him. She wouldn’t take him down with her. He didn’t deserve it. And she didn’t deserve him. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

She pressed her lips against his, but pulled away before he could deepen the kiss. She headed toward the stairs that would take her deeper into the ship. She looked back once. He never took his eyes off her.

***

It was nearly midnight when Katniss reached her family’s stateroom. She was relieved to find it locked. Her hand hovered over the door, poised to knock, before she thought better of it. Let them sleep. She could confess everything in the morning.

She leaned against the wall and slid to the floor. She would sit out here for the rest of the night and make sure no one tried to get into her family’s room. While hurting her family to hurt her seemed more of Snow’s form of revenge than Cato’s, they were related. She couldn’t predict what either one would do right now.

If only they had stayed in Ireland. If only she hadn’t lost her job at the factory. If only she hadn’t interviewed at Snow’s or allowed him to bully her. If only—

She had to stop. Normally, she wasn’t the type of person to wonder about what could have been because there was no point. There was nothing she could do to change what had happened.

Everything had led her here. To the Titanic. To America.

To Peeta.

Was it worth it? A few days, hours really, of happiness in exchange for years of misery?

She closed her eyes and tried to think of something else. Anything other than the dread that pooled in her gut, and the hope that had long since drowned in it.

***

A loud banging and a yell startled her awake. She jerked upright and hurried to her feet. It took her a second to remember where she was and why. Exhaustion had gotten the better of her, and she had fallen asleep at her post.

More yelling. This time she could make out the words: “Up! Everyone awake! Up to the boat deck!”

More pounding followed until finally one of the third class stewards rounded the corner. He banged on each stateroom, and shouted his message every few steps.

“What’s going on?” Katniss asked as he approached her family’s room. 

The door opened and Prim stuck her head out, her blonde hair mussed from sleep. “Katniss?”

“Everyone is to report to the boat deck immediately,” the steward said before moving on to the next room.

“Wait!” Katniss grabbed his arm. “Why? Did something happen?”

“Ma’am, I have dozens of people to attend to. Please, just go to the boat deck.” He yanked his arm away and continued down the hall. “Everyone awake! Now!”

The iceberg returned to the forefront of Katniss’s mind. It had been lingering somewhere behind Cato’s attack and worry over her family’s future. Something sharp and terrible twisted inside of her, and she knew something terrible had happened. Something terrible _was_ happening. 

How much damage could an iceberg do? She remembered the terrible crunching sound and the ripping of metal. She thought of the dark sea stretching endlessly around them.

Cato had called the ship unsinkable. He had boasted about it for weeks. This was probably just a precaution. Even if they only ended up standing around the deck for an hour, her family would be prepared.

“Katniss, what’s going on? What are you doing down here?” Prim asked.

Katniss ushered her sister back into her room and began pulling clothes out of their trunk. 

Mrs. Everdeen slowly sat up and yawned. “Is something wrong?”

“You need to put on warm clothes and a coat,” Katniss said. “I don’t mean over your pajamas either. Get dressed. Wear layers. It’s cold outside.”

“Why?” Prim asked, her voice laced with panic. “What happened?”

The words ‘lifeboat drill’ were already in her mind, prepared to float out of her mouth, but she couldn’t risk the lie. What if her mother decided to stay put? Prim wouldn’t leave without her.

“I’m not sure, little duck.” Katniss pulled her sister into a swift hug. “It’s probably nothing, but just to be safe we need to go up.”

Prim looked up at her. “Tell me,” she said. “Tell me what’s really going on.”

“Katniss?” Mrs. Everdeen’s soft voice floated across the small room.

Katniss hesitated. She didn’t want to worry them, but she was also tired of lying. Starting now, she would tell the truth. Lying had only gotten her into trouble.

“The ship hit something,” Katniss said.

“What does that mean? Is it sinking?” Prim’s voice shook, and Katniss held her tighter.

“I doubt it. It’s probably just a precaution. But we need to be ready just in case.”

“Just in case of what?” Prim asked.

“Of anything. Now please, change into something warm. Put on your coat and boots. Grab your satchel. We’re going.”

Katniss turned around, prepared to plead and cajole her mother out of bed, but Mrs. Everdeen already stood.

“Thank you for coming down to get us,” she said.

“Of course,” Katniss said, startled. “You’re my family. You…” How strange to get choked up now, to be overwhelmed by the sadness, the guilt, the love she felt toward her mother.

And then, the strangest thing of all, to have her mother hold her close and say, “It’s all right. Everything will be all right. I promise.”

***

Katniss was unprepared for the sight of officers uncovering lifeboats when she and her family emerged on the boat desk.

 _It’s only a drill,_ she told herself. _There is nothing to worry about._

But all she could do was worry. Katniss wasn’t sure of the time, but the grogginess that clung to her suggested she hadn’t slept long before the steward woke her.

The majority of the passengers that had bothered to leave the warmth of their rooms remained inside the lounge or the smoking room. A few groups of people stood outside, looking nervous as they watched the officers work.

“Katniss, are we going to have to get in those?” Prim asked. Her knuckles were white against the strap of her satchel.

“We might,” Katniss said, sounding much calmer than she was.

She remembered looking over the edge of the railing, staring at the endless dark sea. The water was cold and black and so far down. Would she really send her family out there?

“Alright, women and children first,” a dark-haired officer called out. He waved people over, but no one on the deck moved. 

Katniss recognized the fear on their faces, their uncertainty. They had never had a lifeboat drill. No one knew the protocol. Surely, they wouldn’t do one now, so late at night, halfway through the journey?

Fear made her hot beneath her coat. It was the first time she felt any warmth since leaving her stateroom with Cato, but it was the uncomfortable, overwhelming kind. She struggled to catch her breath.

“Women and children,” the officer repeated, his tone heavy with annoyance.

“Come on,” Katniss said. She went to grab Prim’s hand, but hers was trembling too hard. She rested it on her sister’s back instead, and steered her toward the lifeboat. The officer smelled faintly of alcohol and wore several days’ worth of scruff on his face. He didn’t exactly inspire confidence, but Katniss didn’t have a choice.

No matter what she tried to tell herself, this wasn’t a drill. There was something wrong. She had witnessed the iceberg damage the ship. Maybe the damage was too much. Maybe the idea of an unsinkable ship was just a myth. 

Or maybe they just needed time to repair. Maybe this was all a precaution.

The officer held out his hand for Prim to take. The corners of his lips turned up in an attempt at a smile. It barely counted, but Katniss was grateful for his effort.

“Don’t worry. You’ll be fine,” he said as he helped Mrs. Everdeen into the lifeboat too.

A few other women and children approached now that someone else had made the first move. Katniss allowed them in front of her as she scanned the deck for Peeta. Surely he had heeded the order to get up to the boat deck? He had seen the iceberg too.

The handful of women and children hugged their fathers and husbands. A couple of women were crying silently, but they too climbed in with the officer’s help.

“It’s your turn, Katniss,” Prim said. The lifeboat was bigger than Katniss had thought it would be, and so few people sat in it. It was time for her to get in and wait out whatever trouble the ship was in.

But she hesitated.

The officer gave her an uneasy look before announcing, “Alright, let’s get some men on board.”

“I thought you said it was women and children first,” an older man said. He sounded disgusted with the idea of taking a woman’s place.

“I did. And look, the women and children are in the lifeboat. Do you see any others around?”

Besides Katniss, the rest of the people outside hung back. They still appeared nervous, but their need for comfort and the illusion of safety won out over their fear. Surely, it was better to remain on the ship than get into a little wooden boat that swung precariously in the breeze.

“Well, no,” the man replied. “But I don’t feel right getting on before all the women and children have taken a seat.”

“Count the number of people in this boat. Are you telling me you want me to lower it down with just ten people?”

The man huffed, but a younger man, likely his son, pushed him forward, and both of them climbed into the lifeboat. 

“Katniss?” Prim asked, her name asking too much, more than she could answer. Was she getting into the lifeboat? Was the ship sinking? Would they be all right?

A few more men climbed in along with a crewmember. Katniss was the only one left. She looked over her shoulder, but the faces behind her hadn’t changed. Maybe Peeta was in the first class lounge waiting for further instruction?

The realization hit her then. She took a step backward as if to dodge the force of it.

Peeta wouldn’t get on a lifeboat without knowing she was already safe.

And she couldn’t climb in without knowing the same thing.

“Last chance, sweetheart,” the officer said.

“I’m sorry, Prim,” Katniss said. “I can’t. Not yet.”

“Katniss!” Prim’s voice came out as a high-pitched shriek. “Katniss, please get in!”

Katniss shook her head, whispered another apology, and turned to run.

“Wait.” The officer caught her arm. “There aren’t enough boats, and help isn’t coming. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” Katniss breathed. Prim called her name again, and she felt it more than she heard it. It reverberated painfully in her chest.

“Then, good luck. Stay safe.” The officer raised his arm and plunged it downward. “Lower the boat.”

“Katniss! Katniss, please!” Prim’s voice followed Katniss across the deck into the warmth of the lounge.

It would be okay. Prim was safe. Her mother was safe. She just needed to find Peeta, and then they’d be safe too.

Together.

***

Katniss knocked on the door to Peeta’s stateroom and called his name. She waited a few moments before pressing her ear to the door. There was no movement or hushed voices inside. Worry gnawed at her, but she did her best to ignore it.

She knocked a few more times, but there was no response. It was possible Rye was inside, but no, Peeta had gone to check on him. Peeta would have instructed him to get up to the boat deck, life jacket in tow.

She had already checked the first class lounge and smoking room. There was only one more place Katniss could think of checking, but she was afraid. What if Cato was lurking around the hall, or worse, waiting inside her room? But she had to check and see if Peeta was there. And if he wasn’t…

Then, there was only the entire ship to search.

Her steps were quiet and careful as she approached the hallway to her room. She felt like a skittish rabbit, certain a hunter waited around the corner.

There was no one. She let herself into her room, closed the door behind her, and took a deep breath.

She still had to check her bedroom.

“Katniss!”

She jumped at the sound of Effie’s voice. Effie flew out of her bedroom and swept Katniss into a hug.

“My dear, I’ve been so worried,” Effie said, pulling away. “Can you believe this? A lifeboat drill in the middle of the night?” 

“It’s not a drill,” Katniss said. 

“Of course it is.” Effie settled on the couch. She still wore a nightgown and a light robe. Her feet were bare. “This ship is absolutely safe.”

“We hit something. An iceberg.”

“I didn’t feel anything.”

“I saw it,” Katniss said. She stood in front of Effie but didn’t sit. “Have you seen Peeta? Did he come by here?”

Effie’s eye widened at the mention of his name. “Of course not. He knows better than to come looking for you.”

The urge to cry was sudden and fierce. Katniss blinked several times to keep any tears from forming. Everything would be okay. She would find him. 

“Effie, you need to dress in your warmest clothes, get a lifejacket, and go to the boat deck.”

“Absolutely not! It’s freezing out there!”

Katniss sat then, and took Effie’s hands in hers. “You need to listen to me. An officer told me the truth. The iceberg we hit…it was big.” She bit her lip and looked away. “The ship is sinking.”

Effie yanked her hands away and stood. “What kind of practical joke is this?” she demanded. “Is this punishment for how I treated you? Because I thought you accepted my apology!”

“I don’t have time to argue. I need to find Peeta,” Katniss said. “You should do what I said. Please, Effie.”

“No.” Effie pulled her robe tighter around her. “This ship is unsinkable.”

Katniss sidestepped Effie and went into her bedroom. She threw off her coat and found the heavier one Cato had purchased for her. She guessed it was supposed to keep her warm during the winter months in New York. How strange that Cato had considered their future together. How strange that he had thought he loved her.

She pushed the thoughts out of her mind as she buttoned up her wool coat. When she returned to the living room, Effie was wringing her hands and pacing.

“I’m leaving now,” Katniss said. “I’m going to find Peeta, and we’re going to get on a lifeboat. You should consider doing the same.”

Effie nodded, but she was staring at the ground.

“Goodbye, Effie. Thank you for looking after me.”

Effie didn’t answer. Katniss let herself out.

***

Katniss was halfway to the Grand Staircase when a force yanked her coat and slammed her into the wall. Stars burst in front of her eyes, and her only thought was, Cato.

“There you are.” A familiar voice. Not Cato. But someone just as dangerous.

When Katniss’s vision cleared, she saw Marvel standing in front of her. Blood crusted in the corner of his mouth and beneath his nose, caught in the indent above his lip. Both of his eyes were bruised, although one was much more fresh. She would have smiled at the injuries Peeta inflicted upon him if his hand hadn’t been around her neck.

“I see you’re still running around, screwing over decent men,” he sneered.

“If you’re referring to Cato, I don’t think you understand the definition of ‘decent,’” Katniss fired back.

He squeezed her neck. “I don’t need vocabulary lessons from an uneducated whore.”

Despite her obvious disadvantage, she was furious. She was so tired of being insulted, of being pushed around just because she was a woman born into poverty. Men like Cato and Marvel slept with maids and prostitutes all the time, and then called the women whores. Never did they consider their own actions wrong or dishonorable.

She hated how unfair it was. And right now, with Marvel’s hand around her neck, she hated him most of all.

“You’re pathetic,” she said. “You think hurting me will make you feel more like a man?”

“I wish I had my knife.” He dug his hand into her pocket, his fingers groping her hip. “You don’t have it on you, do you?”

She kneed him in the crotch, and he doubled over in pain. She managed to run a few feet before he tackled her. He jerked her upward and slammed her into the wall once more.

Pain exploded in her skull. She wanted to cry out, but she bit her tongue instead. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.

“I think you and I need to spend some time together. Alone. Let me escort you to my room.”

“Let me go.”

“Or what?” Marvel taunted.

“Excuse me.” Someone else was here. Marvel’s hands moved to the collar of her coat.

“Can I help you?” Marvel asked.

“I believe this young woman asked you to let her go.” The man’s voice came closer. “It’s rude to manhandle women, you know. The very definition of bad manners, really.”

His words were teasing, but his tone had an edge to it. Unable to take her eyes off Marvel, Katniss caught only a glimpse of the stranger in her peripheral vision. His face was familiar, but she didn’t remember where she had seen him.

“I suggest you move on. This isn’t your business,” Marvel said.

“I’m so sorry. You’re right.” The man chuckled. “Here I am scolding you about poor manners when I’m being a complete bother. Excuse me.”

Katniss’s eyes widened as the man went to walk away.

“You know, just one more thing.” The man turned back around and pulled a pistol out of his jacket pocket. He aimed it at Marvel’s head. “I suggest you let her go. Now.”

“You’re not going to shoot me,” Marvel said.

“No?” The man cocked the gun. The sound sent a shudder through Katniss. Even Marvel flinched. “There’s a rumor going around that this ship is sinking. If that’s true, do you really think people will notice one missing person when there are hundreds of others lost at sea?”

Marvel dropped his hand. Katniss turned her head to get a full view of the man holding the gun.

She remembered him now. He was the man in the second-class corridor walking with his pregnant wife the day Peeta kissed her for the first time.

“I think you should run along now,” the man said.

Marvel shoved his finger in Katniss’s face. “One day, someone won’t be there to rescue you.” Then, he stomped off.

In a daze, Katniss watched him disappear down the hall.

“Here,” the man said, holding out the gun. “Do you know how this works?”

Katniss turned back to him and rubbed her neck. “No.”

The man gave her a brief lesson before handing her the gun. “Take this.”

“I can’t.”

“Dead men don’t need guns. Now take it.”

His words chilled her. She wondered how many lifeboats were left, and if Prim was warm and safe, and if she would ever find Peeta. The full weight of what was going on finally hit her. She felt as if she had been slammed into the wall all over again.

The ship was sinking, and she was no closer to finding Peeta than she was when she abandoned her family to the icy waters.

“Thank you,” she said quietly. She slipped the gun into her pocket. She hoped she wouldn’t need it.

“It’s Finnick,” the man said. “Finnick Odair. I remember you from the other day. Where’s your gentleman?”

“I’m looking for him. Where’s your wife?”

“Lifeboat.” For a moment, his face was a mess of fear and desperation, but then he forced a smile. “She’ll be safe. Her and the baby.”

She didn’t know this man, but she would be forever grateful to him. Like Peeta, he had protected her without demanding anything in return. She only hoped she could return the favor. 

“They wouldn’t let you on the boat?”

“Women and children first. Didn’t you hear?” He chuckled and leaned back against the wall. “At least she’ll be okay.”

“There’s an officer. Dark hair, name starts with an A.” Katniss remembered the man from earlier, his brass nametag displaying his last name. She couldn’t read it, but she recognized the first letter. “He’s on the right side of the ship, and he’s letting men onto the lifeboats.”

Finnick pushed himself away from the wall, his lips parted.

“He fills the boat with all the women and children around, and then he lets men board if there’s room. You could get in. You could be safe too.”

“Thank you! Thank you…”

“Katniss,” she supplied.

“Thank you, Katniss!” He touched her shoulder and leaned in close. “Find your husband. Get yourself to a boat. And be careful.”

She nodded and watched him take off at a run. She didn’t have any hope left, but she tried to conjure up the feeling for this man and his wife and their future child. She desperately wanted them to make it.

***

It felt wrong to descend the stairs while everyone else headed in the opposite direction. People were finally taking the situation seriously.

The Third Class General Room was the last place Katniss could think to look for Peeta. If she was correct about him looking for her, he would come down here first. She hoped she hadn’t missed him by taking the opposite route. If he wasn’t down here, he might be back at her room.

They would just keep missing each other until the ship was at the bottom of the sea.

As she descended the stairs, she heard voices. Yelling. Pleading. She quickened her pace.

After reaching the landing and rounding the corner, she found the gate that led to the third class closed. At least a dozen people stood behind it, their arms stretching through, trying to open the door.

It was locked.

When the trapped men and women noticed her, their voices grew louder, begging her to let them out.

“Katniss?” a voice called.

She froze.

“Katniss?”

“Peeta?” Her voice was quiet, uncertain.

Then he was there, alive and unharmed.

And trapped behind the gate.

She rushed toward him. “What happened? Are you okay?”

“I came down here to find you,” he said. “But you were already gone. When I tried to leave to check the boat deck, the gate was locked.”

Katniss tried to pull it open, but of course it didn’t turn. She grabbed the bars and began to shake the door, fury consuming the relief she felt at finding him.

How could they do this? Trap these people like animals, leave them to drown?

Tears strung her eyes. Peeta wrapped a hand around hers. “It’s okay, Katniss.”

She stopped shaking and rested her forehead against their joined hands.

“It’s okay,” Peeta repeated..

She wasn’t sure if he was trying to calm her down or talk her into leaving. Before he could say another word, she said, “I’ll find someone. An officer. I’ll get a key.”

“Katniss, wait—”

“I’ll be right back. I’m going to let you out.” She scanned the rest of the people huddled behind the gate. “All of you.”

She ran as fast as she could back up the stairs.


	7. April 15, 1912 (Part II)

Katniss slumped against the wall and rubbed her forehead. She had to keep moving, but running was painful. She felt every footfall as a pounding in her head. Taking a deep breath, she counted to five, and then resumed rushing up the stairs. At each corridor, she stuck her head into the hall for a quick glance but was disappointed every time.

She was going to have to return to the boat deck to find help.

The idea was exhausting: up to the top, back down to the bottom, constantly moving, constantly worrying. Her stomach twisted with nausea, a combination of anxiety and headache. She stopped again and bent over, certain she was about to be sick.

No. She was stronger than this. 

A few years before her father died, she had been thrown from a horse. She had tried to ride it after her mother had told her not to approach it. It was new, fierce, and unbroken.

When her mother confirmed there were no broken bones, she forced Katniss to finish her chores even as Katniss’s bruised body ached and cried out for rest.

Katniss had survived that and much worse. She could survive anything. She closed her eyes, thought of Peeta trapped behind the gate. 

Because of her.

She opened her eyes, and resumed running up the stairs. She would save him.

She had to.

***

Officers scurried from one side of the room to the other, out the door, back inside. It was as if they had no idea what to do, but they had to keep moving. If they stopped, if they did nothing, then they admitted defeat. There was no hope. No chance.

They were doomed.

Katniss tried to get their attention. She forced her way in front of them, grabbed their arms, but they nudged her aside, even as her words fell out, panicked and shaking.

It was as if they didn't hear her.

And if they did, they didn't care.

Finally, she grabbed the back of an officer's coat, spun him around, and slammed him into a wall. He was taller than her, and stronger, but surprise had given her the upper hand. He all but tripped over his own feet.

She drove her forearm into his throat. "I need the key to the third class gates. Now."

"Get the hell off me!" He pushed her away easily, but she shoved him back just as quickly.

"There are people trapped down there. I need the key."

"Well, consider yourself lucky. There aren't enough lifeboats. The less people up here, the better."

The gun was heavy in her pocket. She wanted to hold it to this man's head and see his response then.

But no. She couldn't. Wouldn't.

"My fiancé is down there," she said. "Please. I need to get him out."

"Fiancé, huh?" The man looked her up and down. Her coat was new, gorgeous. Her silk dress peeked out from beneath it. She looked no more like a third class passenger than this officer looked like the captain of the ship. "You sure that's the word for it?"

Her fingertips traced the outline of the gun. She would ask once more. If he refused, she would pull it out. She would shoot this man if it meant freeing Peeta.

She would shoot every last man on this goddamn boat if necessary. She had had enough of them.

"Please," she said again. "He's trapped. He deserves a chance."

The man pulled his jacket open, revealing a set of keys. "And what will you do for me if I give you these keys?"

Katniss fought the urge to yell obscenities. What was it about her appearance that screamed 'whore'? Even dressed up in clothes too rich for her skin, these men saw right through her.

She took a step closer, pressed her body against his. Her gaze fell from his eyes to his lips.

"What do you want exactly?" she asked in her most innocent voice. These fools loved that. Seduction and innocence presented on a silver platter, as if they went hand in hand. As if a man could have both.

"Not much time for more than a kiss," he said.

A few weeks ago, hell a few days ago, this would have been an easy trade. She was used to her body being the most valuable thing she had to offer. A kiss for the key that would save Peeta? She'd be a fool not to make the exchange.

But the idea of kissing someone that wasn't Peeta made her feel ill. To once again reduce herself to a thing to be bargained for was out of the question.

So she leaned close, her hand traveling slowly up his chest, and brought her knee up as hard as she could into his stomach.

He doubled over, and she snatched the keys. The blow had stolen his breath, and he was still wheezing as she raced down the steps of the Grand Staircase.

***

She didn't realize how far she had drifted toward the front of the ship until she turned the corner and was met with the Atlantic Ocean. The stairwell was completely flooded. She could go no further.

Inside the ship, the water was blue and white, but it was much scarier than the black sea that waited outside. A few hours ago, this passage had been passable. There were rooms and stairs beneath this water. Were there people? Were there passengers already drowned and gone?

She dipped her fingers into the water. It felt cold and sharp, like the slice of a knife. Without another moment of hesitation, she flew back up the stairs, raced through an empty hall, and traveled back down the stairs where Peeta and the others had been trapped.

_It's alright_ , she told herself. _The ship is at an incline. The front is underwater. Peeta's section is fine. It's fine._

Water spilled up the stairs, biting her ankles, dragging down the fabric of her dress. The men and women behind the gate were up to their shins in water.

"I'm here! Peeta! I'm back!"

Peeta pushed his way to the front of the crowd. "Katniss?"

She rushed to the gate and grabbed his hand. "It's okay," she said. "I've got the key."

"Thank you for coming back."

She wanted to tell him not to be stupid. Of course she had come back. She would always come for him. She would always do everything in her power to keep him safe.

But she had to focus on the task at hand. She had a ring full of keys, a pool of icy water at her feet, and a locked gate.

The first three keys didn't work. The cries of the men and women, their chorus of "Please" and "Help us" did nothing to expedite the process. 

"I'm trying!" she finally snapped. She was shivering now, as the water climbed up her legs.

Peeta tried to get the passengers to quiet down. He mumbled words of confidence and patience, and it mostly worked.

Until Katniss dropped the keys.

"No!" She didn't hesitate before falling to her knees with a splash, bringing the water up to her chest. Finally, she plunged her whole head underwater. The salt stung her eyes, but she kept them open.

From far away came the thought: I've never swum in the ocean before. How ridiculous to have her first experience in the belly of the grandest ship the world had ever seen.

As soon as her hands felt metal, she grasped the keys and sprung to her feet.

"Katniss!" Peeta yelled. "Oh god, you're soaked."

The fourth key didn't work, but the fifth one did. She yanked the gate open. She was slammed back along with the door as the men and women pushed and shoved their way out.

Finally, it was just Peeta and Katniss left, the ocean swirling around their knees.

She threw herself at him, wrapped her arms around his neck, and held him close. For a moment, she forgot how terrified and cold she was. There was only his warm, safe embrace, his hand in her damp hair, his lips pressed to her neck.

Distancing herself from him seemed so foolish now. She had only known him a few days, but already she was unsure if she could live without him. She could survive maybe, but she’d be left with some sort of half-life: seeing and hearing and moving but never feeling a thing.

"You're okay," she said.

"You’re freezing.” 

She shook in his arms, her teeth chattering. He pulled her back up the stairs to the next dry area.

"Do you have another coat?" he asked.

She shook her head. "We can't go back to my room. Marvel..."

Peeta's face darkened. "Marvel, what?"

"I'll explain later. After we get on a lifeboat." She turned to lead him up the stairs, but he pulled her back into a kiss.

He was free. He was here. Alive and safe. They would find a lifeboat, and they would remain safe. Together.

"You're okay?" he asked, parroting back her words. Gingerly, he ran his fingers over the back of her head. She winced when he touched the sore area.

"I'm fine. I promise."

"Katniss..."

"Please. I'm not sure how long it's been since they started loading the boats. They might be all gone."

"Okay," he said. He took her hand once more, and they hurried up the stairs.

***

The boat deck was a mess of passengers and crewmembers, colliding and falling apart. Far away, the sound of music drifted across the chaos. The tune was beautiful and upbeat, which only made it sadder.

Three gunshots rang out, and Peeta and Katniss ducked and looked toward the noise. An officer stood in front of a lifeboat, gun held straight in the air, as several people shuffled backward.

"We're on the wrong side," Katniss said. "We need to find the officer letting men on the boats."

"It's women and children first."

"I don't care," she snapped. "I'm not getting on a boat without you. Where's your brother?"

"Safe, I hope. I sent him to the boat deck before I went to find you. Your family?"

"I put them on a lifeboat,” she said.

"Why didn’t you get on?"

"I couldn't leave without knowing you were okay."

He pulled her close, pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "You should have gotten on with your family."

"You'd be dead if I had, Peeta. Drowned." It hurt just to say it out loud, to imagine a world that didn’t have him in it.

She had almost gotten on the lifeboat. She had almost left him behind.

He didn’t say anything for a minute as he held her. Finally, he spoke. 

"Let’s go." 

They cut through the First Class Lounge and emerged on the other side. They found a line of people waiting for a lifeboat. 

"Wait here. Right in this exact spot. I'm going to try and find the officer from earlier," Katniss said.

"We are not separating again."

"You need to wait here just in case there's room. I will be back in one minute. Just don't move, okay?"

"Fine. I'm standing right here. In exactly one minute, if you're not back, I'm leaving the line and finding you."

"Deal," she said. She kissed his cheek before disappearing into the throng of bodies.

Almost immediately, she lost sight of Peeta. There were too many people. It hit her then, how many passengers were still on board. There were only a few lifeboats left on this side of the ship, and the deck was listing badly. Walking to the back of the ship was like walking up an incline.

These people were going to die. And the scary part was that she didn't want to save them. Not if it meant her and Peeta getting left behind. She would not, could not, allow Peeta to die because he had gone back for her. If only she hadn't separated them earlier, if only she hadn't been such a fool...

"Katniss," a voice said. Two strong hands clamped across her wrists. "I'd hoped I'd see you before tonight was over."

Cato's breath was hot against her ear. She could smell the whiskey on his breath.

"Let go of me."

"If you don't come with me right now, I swear I'll break Peeta’s neck."

"You wouldn't."

"Haven't you been paying attention? Of course I would." He steered her toward the First Class Lounge and pushed her inside.

"Hold my hand. Pretend everything is fine," he mumbled.

She doubted screaming would do much good anyway. It wasn't that long ago that she manhandled a crewmember, and no one attempted to intervene.

She knew Cato would make good on his threat. She didn't doubt his strength or his intention.

The pistol bumped her thigh with every step. If only she could get her hand free and reach inside her pocket. She needed to give Cato a reason to let her go.

"I never loved you," Katniss said. "Your grandfather made me sleep with you."

"Shut up," he growled.

"He wanted me to spy on you. He knew about your father's plan the whole time."

"You're lying." He squeezed her hand so hard, it felt like her bones were grinding together.

"I told him what was going on as soon as you told me. But he already knew."

"Stop." He spun her around so they were face to face. "Don't lie to me. Not now. You're a gold-digging whore who found someone better. That's all this is."

"Why do you think your father wasn’t answering your telegrams? He's already in jail."

"You’re a liar," he snapped. "Now come on."

"Where are we going?"

"To see grandfather."

***

Cato opened the door to his suite, and sure enough, Lord Snow stood inside, packing up his most valuable jewels.

"Cato, the arrangement is for you and I. Get rid of her," Snow ordered as soon as he spotted Katniss.

"Is my father in jail?" Cato asked, his hand still a vise around her wrist.

"We don’t have time for ridiculous questions," Snow said. He was so well practiced in the art of deceit, his gaze did not falter. "Why would he be in jail?"

Cato hesitated, as if afraid to give the game away. But what did it matter now? Even if they all managed to get to New York alive, whatever had happened, happened. There were no telegrams left to send or warnings to give.

"I told him," Katniss said. "About the deal we made." She wanted to make it out of this room alive, if only so Peeta would survive too. If she didn't reappear on the boat deck soon, he'd spend the remaining time he had left circling the ship, looking for her. But she also wanted to punish these men. She was done being a thing they used and manipulated when it suited them. She was a person, and she was worth something.

"I told him you knew about Seneca's plan," she continued. If Cato wouldn't say it, then she would. "I told him everything."

Cato looked from Katniss to his grandfather. 

"I have no idea what plan she is referring to," Snow said with a hint of annoyance. "What has your father done now?"

"Did you tell her to sleep with me?" Cato demanded.

"You wanted her, so I bought her. She gets a monthly allowance as long as she continues to be your mistress."

"That's not—"

Cato cut off her words with a growl.

"The presents I gave you weren't enough? You required _payment_ to sleep with me?" he demanded. "I gave you everything! I'm trying to save you now, and for what? For you to continue laughing behind my back!"

This was exactly how she imagined this would happen. The truth would come out—or the version Snow preferred—and Cato would become so enraged that he'd kill her. Katniss had imagined it would happen in New York where Cato would be arrested. If she died here, he'd never face punishment. Come morning, she'd be just another body lost at sea.

"Cato, wait,” she pleaded.

He didn't listen. He shoved her into the end table, and she sent the lamp to the ground. She fell back onto the carpet, her right hand landing on a shard of glass. It hurt terribly, but it was the chance she needed. She ignored the pain and pulled out the gun. She stared up at Cato, the gun pointed at his head. 

"Don't touch me," she said. 

She was surprised at how calm her voice sounded, how steady her hands were, even with her blood making the handle slick. All she could hear, see, feel, was the gun in her hand and Cato's look of surprise.

"Katniss," he said.

"Snow blackmailed me into being your mistress. He's a liar, and you know it. He never paid me. If I didn't comply, he would have thrown me out in the street," she said.

From the corner of her eye, she saw Snow standing perfectly still, his thin lips a straight line. He wasn't going to jump in to defend himself. He knew how to play the innocent party.

"Your father is in jail. You'll be disinherited. I'm just one last piece in Snow's game to destroy you."

Cato's face was an unnatural shade of red. His hands were fists at his side. He was in front of her in one stride, and she knew he was about to snap her neck. She fired the gun, but it hit his shoulder. Surprise and pain made him hesitate, but he grabbed her wrists before she could fire again and jerked her to her feet.

He pulled her flat against his chest, shoved his mouth next to his ear, and said, "Thank you."

He wrapped his hand around hers and aimed the gun at Snow.

"What do you think you're doing?" Snow demanded. "You're going to listen to this whore over your own flesh and blood?"

Cato said nothing.

"If you shoot me, you won't be able to get into that lifeboat. That officer will never allow you in without payment."

Cato slipped his finger over the trigger and fired. Katniss jumped, her head slamming back against Cato's chin. Snow’s crisp white shirt turned red, the color blooming like a flower over his chest. He stared at them for a moment, eyes as dead and emotionless as they were in life, before falling to the ground.

Cato pulled the gun out of Katniss's grasp and released her. She took a few steps back. The broken lamp crunched beneath her feet as she nearly tripped over the end table once more.

She waited for Cato to turn the gun on her. There was no point in begging or pleading. His mind was made up.

It was a shock when he threw the gun to the ground and whipped off his overcoat. "Here," he said.

"Wh-what?"

"Your coat is soaking wet. You'll freeze to death just waiting out on the deck."

She slipped her coat off and let it drop to the ground. She was unsure if this was a trick, but she didn't really see any other choice. Maybe if she did what he said, she'd walk out of this room.

He draped his coat around her shoulders. "There," he said. "Much better."

She stared at him and tried to figure out his motive. "Thank you."

"I loved you, you know. I really did, even if you don't believe me."

Maybe he did. Maybe his violence and jealousy were the only ways he knew how to love. He had thought about her, about the kind of clothes she would wear, the coat she would need in the future, the forest she would miss once they lived in the city. He really would have purchased a home for her family, let her see them whenever she wanted. He had done so much, but he had never lied to her.

He dropped a kiss on her forehead. "Go ahead. Find a boat."

She walked around him, careful to keep her gaze straight ahead, so she wouldn't have to see Snow's body on the ground. She hesitated at the door and looked back one last time. Cato stood with his back to her, his hand pressed to his shoulder.

She closed the door quietly behind her.

***

Fortunately, it only took her a few minutes to catch sight of Peeta’s blonde hair. He was on the same side of the ship, walking toward the front.

"Peeta!" She pushed past the group in front of her. "Peeta!"

He turned, his face pinched with worry and fear. As soon as he saw her, it transformed into an expression of relief.

"Katniss! Oh, thank god!" He scooped her into his arms and held her tightly. "I've been walking up and down the deck looking for you. What happened?"

"I ran into Cato, but I’m fine," she said, hurrying to complete her sentence as anger clouded Peeta's features. 

“You’re not fine. You’re bleeding!” Peeta examined the gash on her hand, but she pulled it away.

"Everything's going to be okay now. I promise."

It wasn't though. There were only two lifeboats left on this side of the ship, and they were the collapsible ones, upside down and still covered. 

Suddenly, the angle of the ship grew worse. Both Peeta and Katniss hit the ground as the front of the ship sunk faster into the ocean. Peeta scrambled to his feet before pulling Katniss up.

There were so many things Katniss wanted to say to him. _I'm sorry. You should have gotten on a boat. Thank you for caring about me._ But in the next second, a giant wave crashed over the boat deck, and swept them out to sea.

She was cold, dead, lost. The pain was immense and powerful, and the ocean was so much bigger than two people.

She had his hand in hers, and then she didn’t.

He was gone.

***

Katniss resurfaced with a gasp. The water was so cold, it burned her skin. Her limbs protested as she struggled to stay afloat.

She twisted around in time to watch the ship’s lights blink once, twice, and then go out for good. The entire world was black and cold. She remembered her first night on board, how the darkness of her room turned it unfamiliar and terrifying. She had been afraid to move in case she found the edge and tumbled over it into nothing.

Here, in the black ocean, there was no fear of finding the end. Instead, the water was an eternity stretching around her, suffocating her, taking her back under.

"Peeta!" she shrieked. "Peeta, where are you?"

Miraculously, his voice answered some distance away, and she swam toward the sound, bumping into debris from the deck before she reached him. When her hand found his, she could have cried from relief. If she had to die, she wanted to be next to him. She deserved that comfort.

"We need to swim away," he said. "Now. The ship is about to go under."

A terrible crunching of metal and wood followed, worse than the sound of the iceberg scraping along the side of the ship. They both froze and watched as the Titanic split into two, its outline too large to be missed in the dark. The front of the ship disappeared into the water as the back rose high into the sky. The iceberg returned to her mind, but it was nothing compared to this monster full of desperate, screaming people.

They swam.

And swam.

Behind them, the other half of the ship disappeared into the water. Katniss felt a slight pull sucking her back toward the ship, but Peeta was a strong swimmer, and he yanked her forward. 

"There's a boat," she gasped. Already her limbs felt heavy and useless. She used her last burst of strength to swim toward the lifeboat.

A handful of men sat inside. They reached out and helped first Katniss and then Peeta inside.

A foot of water covered the boat’s interior. Katniss and Peeta stared at the water, at the men who had no choice but to leave their feet in it.

"It's a collapsible," a familiar voice said. It sounded like the officer that had helped her family. "It didn't launch right."

"Will it sink?" Peeta asked.

"Nah, it’s fine for now. We’ll freeze to death first."

Yes, Katniss was almost positive this was the man from earlier. How funny to find him now.

Peeta wrapped an arm around her back and swung her toward him. At first she thought he was only trying to keep warm, but then he swept her legs out of the water and over his lap. Her shoes rested on the side of the boat.

"Peeta, no," she said.

"It's not hurting me, and it's helping you."

She inched as close as she possibly could toward him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Thank you," she said before laying her head on his shoulder.

She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to block out the cries of anguish, of people begging God or someone, anyone to help them.

Eventually, the sounds grew weaker until there was only silence.

Somehow, that was worse.

***

Hours passed. The sun rose and the sky lightened. The world was pink and orange and blue, and the ocean was a graveyard.

The lifeboat drifted toward a huge ship that had come much too late. Katniss was happy to see the end in sight, but she was much too tired to feel excitement. She just wanted warmth and to sleep. She shifted against Peeta, pressed a kiss to his ice cold cheek.

Men clung to the sides of their little lifeboat. None of them were moving. The water level was higher than it had been when she and Peeta first climbed in. The boat began to rock.

Katniss picked her head up and surveyed the other passengers. Worry poked at her, but exhaustion shoved it away. She saw that she was right, and that the officer seated nearby was Officer A, the man who allowed those men into her family’s lifeboat. The rest of the passengers were quiet. Some were pale and blue, unmoving.

A lifeboat paddled over. A crewmember called out to Officer A and told him to transfer the surviving passengers.

How awful. To survive the sinking, find a boat, only to die anyway. Far away, a thought drifted toward her: had Cato survived? She doubted it.

She didn't really care.

"Peeta, we have to get up now."

He was silent.

She moved her legs back into the boat, her knees stiff and painful. She slipped her feet into the water, and nearly shrieked. No wonder so many passengers were blue. The water was frigid. That and the cold night air and their damp clothes were a deadly combination. It was a wonder anyone had survived.

"Peeta. We have to get into the other lifeboat."

Her body ached. It didn't want to move, but they had to take these last few steps to finally be safe.

"Peeta?"

She turned to look at him, his light blue lips, the ice frosted in his blonde hair.

"Peeta," she said again. "Peeta, wake up!"

She began to shake him. "Peeta!" She kissed his cheek, the bridge of his nose, his mouth. 

Someone touched her shoulder, but she brushed them away. "Peeta!"

She held him close, and she waited and waited and waited.

The few surviving passengers climbed out of their boat. The hand on her shoulder returned, and she found Officer A waiting for her.

"Come on," he said.

"He's alright," she said. "He’s fine.”

"Let’s go, sweetheart. It’s time."

No. No, no, no. She hugged him, tried to press her body heat into him. She pressed her lips against his ear and said, "We’re safe now. Come back."

Peeta jerked away from her. She fell back into Officer A, who nearly plunged into the ocean.

"Peeta?" she asked.

He turned to her, slowly, as if waking from a dream. "I’m so tired, Katniss.”

She threw herself against him. One of his hands touched her back, but it moved slowly as if underwater. "We need to get you warm. Okay?” she said. “Come on."

Officer A helped Peeta and then Katniss climb into the other lifeboat. This one was dry and nearly full. One of the men handed her a blanket and she covered Peeta with it.

"No, Katniss, you take it," he said. He tried to push it off him, but he was still moving much too slowly. His strength was all but gone.

"Here, you can have mine," a voice said and a blanket appeared in her line of vision.

"Give that boy mine," another voice said. "I think he needs two."

Katniss thanked the passengers with tears in her eyes as she bundled Peeta up. She draped the third blanket over both of their shoulders.

"I think I was gone," Peeta said a few moments later.

At first she couldn’t say anything. Tears slipped down her cheeks, and she feared if she spoke, her words would come out as a sob.

Finally, she choked out, "You’re here now. Stay with me, okay?"

He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue to follow.


	8. April 15, 1913

Katniss awoke with a start. Despite the cool night air drifting through the open window, sweat soaked the back of her nightgown.

“Peeta?” she whispered. “Peeta?”

The space beside her was cold. As panic overwhelmed her, she struggled to disentangle herself from the sheets. She had to see him, had to be sure.

In the weeks after the sinking, she had terrible nightmares, all variations of the same tragedy. Sometimes she was too late, and Peeta drowned, locked behind the gate in the third class entrance. Other times, Cato made good on his threat, and broke Peeta’s neck in the middle of the boat deck.

The worst and most frequent version was the memory of his blue lips and icy blonde hair. Over and over, she shook him, begged him, but he never woke up.

After a nightmare, she’d often walk the mile and a half that separated her home from his. After she woke up him up the first night with furious knocking on the backdoor of the bakery, he gave her a key, and told her to come whenever she needed to.

Sometimes she went to the bakery at sundown with the excuse of helping him clean up. Often, she didn’t make it back home until the next day.

Her mother protested, told her it wasn’t appropriate, but Katniss didn’t care about polite society. She cared about Peeta.

It was a relief when he presented her with a ring at Christmas, and Katniss no longer had to avoid her mother’s eyes after a night in his bed. They were married the first day of the new year, and Peeta moved into the farmhouse that night.

They hadn’t spent a night apart since.

Katniss tiptoed down the hall past Prim and her mother’s shared bedroom and found Peeta in the kitchen, hunched over a sketchbook. After a few moments watching him draw by lantern light, Katniss cleared her throat.

Peeta looked up and smiled. His grin quickly melted into a frown. “A nightmare?”

She nodded.

He opened his arms, and she stepped into them. He pressed his face against her stomach, arms encircling her waist before he pulled her onto his lap.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t in there. I couldn’t sleep, and staying in bed was making it worse.”

“It’s okay,” she said. “I found you.”

He smoothed back her damp hair and pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

She could go weeks at a time without a nightmare, but they always came back, reminding her of what almost was. Before she had fallen asleep earlier tonight, she had known what awaited her. She knew what day it was. 

One night last September she had dreamt that the Titanic had never hit the iceberg. Everyone made it to New York unscathed, but she was forced to work for Snow to repay her debt. In this new history, she never saw Peeta again.

She had woken up wracked with guilt. She hated that she benefitted from such a terrible tragedy. Peeta told her that her nightmare never would have happened. No matter what, they would be here now, away from New York, her employers, his family.

Still, it was always in the back of her mind, that her happiness was built on others’ misery. She remembered those final moments with Cato, his desire to see her warm and safe. She was almost sad that he had perished on board the Titanic.

Almost.

Effie’s death had hurt more than she anticipated. Effie had remained in denial until the end, it seemed. Katniss hoped she had found peace before she died.

It had been a relief when Katniss had found the names Finnick and Anne Odair on the list of survivors. She never saw them again, but she wished for their happiness and the safe arrival of their first child. If it hadn’t been for Finnick, she probably would have died by Marvel’s hand.

Once they had boarded the Carpathia, officials had walked around collecting people’s names in order to post a list of survivors. Peeta had been tempted to give a fake name and allow his family to believe him drowned, but Katniss convinced him not to do it. It seemed cruel, although she never said that part out loud. While Peeta was wary of talking about his childhood, she had a feeling he was quite familiar with the definition of cruelty.

It was for the best anyway. Two days after they reached the city, Peeta made a sizable withdrawal from his trust fund, left Rye a letter to deliver to their parents, and disappeared into the Midwest with Katniss and her family.

With the extra money, Peeta was able to purchase land for Katniss’s farm and a rundown building for his bakery. Katniss had protested this generous purchase. She promised to reimburse him, and for a little while he allowed her to make payments. The day after their wedding, he gave her back all the money she had ever paid him, reminding her that they were husband and wife. 

What was his was hers now.

Most days everything seemed too good to be true. A farm and home that she owned outright. A husband she loved and would do anything for. Her family safe, well-fed, and happy.

Some nights she woke with a gasp, convinced that her life was a dream, and her nightmare the reality. But then Peeta wrapped his arms around her, pulled her back into the cocoon of blankets, and she thought, _I deserve this._

“You fell asleep right after dinner tonight,” Peeta said.

“I was exhausted. And I had hoped if I was tired enough…”

“You’d sleep through the night.”

“I should have stayed up with you,” Katniss said.

“No, it’s good that you got some sleep.”

Katniss shook her head. “It wasn’t good.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No. I want to see what you’re drawing.”

Peeta reopened his sketchbook and angled it toward her.

“Oh my god, Peeta. That looks just like my family’s farm in Cork. How did you…?”

“Every time you describe it, I try to imagine it in my mind. I wanted to surprise you with it, but now is just as good a time as any.”

“Thank you,” she said. “It’s beautiful.”

She kissed him then, just as she kissed him every morning, every night, every private moment they had together. 

His arms tightened around her. He slipped a hand beneath her nightgown and up her leg. She kissed his neck, her tongue finding his pulse point. The gloom of the nightmare drifted away as desire took over.

She captured his lips once more, the kiss suddenly urgent, desperate. When they pulled away to take a breath, he blew out the lantern, and they made their way to the bedroom in the dark.

She slipped off her nightgown, letting it pool around her feet. Grabbing his hand, she pulled him with her as she lay back on the bed.

She reveled in his weight on top of her. He felt solid, real. While they needed to be quiet with her family asleep next door, she couldn’t help the moan that escaped as he grinded against her.

He trailed kisses from her neck to the space between her breasts down to her stomach. He followed the path back up, his hand caressing the inside of her thigh. She gasped when his fingers slid between her folds.

He teased her, his fingertips drifting over her clit, barely using any pressure. She bucked against his hand, desperate for more. She grabbed his hair and yanked him forward so his mouth was back on hers. Shoving a hand between them, she undid his pants and pushed his underwear down. He rolled away long enough to pull both off.

In those few brief seconds, she felt his absence all over again. He was gone, a body at the bottom of the sea, and she was alone, adrift.

“Peeta,” she said. “I need you.”

His hand moved to her center, but she pushed him away. She needed more than his touch. She needed him to prove that he was real, that he had survived and lived with her all this time. That he wasn’t just a ghost she carried with her.

He groaned when she wrapped her hand around him, positioning him at her entrance. After a long, lingering kiss, she guided him inside her, and it was like the first breath after nearly drowning. Relief and ecstasy pooled in her stomach. Finally, she could breathe.

They moved together, their sighs and moans quieted against the other’s skin. When his fingertips found her clit, she dug her nails into his back, and reveled in the euphoria that his touch brought.

When he came inside her, her name on his lips, she squeezed her eyes shut, and let her orgasm wash over her. 

For a moment, both of them were still, the only sound their heavy breathing. Katniss wondered if this time was the time.

She used to be terrified of having kids. It seemed wrong to force them into a world where cruelty knew no limits. But despite the poverty of her childhood, the debasement she faced while working for Lord Snow, the horror of the Titanic’s sinking, the world seemed softer now. A little kinder. She knew she had Peeta to thank for that.

But it wasn’t just him. She had seen how low humanity could sink as she watched passengers push others out of the way for a spot in a lifeboat. Crewmembers locked the third class away, not even giving them a chance. An officer demanded a kiss to set them free.

But then there was Finnick, who saved her life. Cato who had chosen her over his grandfather, over himself. There were the people in the lifeboat who handed over their blankets, the men and women of the Carpathia who saw to their every need.

Hidden away on their own little piece of land, Katniss felt more in control of their world and much less afraid. She hoped she could soon give Peeta the thing he wanted most: a child he could shower with love and kindness.

Peeta got up to grab a damp cloth. She shuddered as he ran it over the insides of her thighs. She opened her arms and waited for him to crawl back into bed. They lay together, her back pressed against his chest, their legs entwined. She had almost drifted off to sleep when he spoke.

“I wanted to tell you. My father sent me another bit of my inheritance.”

While his mother pronounced him dead and buried after he abandoned the family, Peeta’s father was much more understanding.

At times, Katniss felt uncomfortable that their happy life was made possible by Peeta’s family’s money, but the one time she expressed displeasure, he told her with an edge to his voice that it was his money to spend.

“I earned it,” he had said. She realized he didn’t just mean by working.

“That’s great news. Now you can buy that second oven,” Katniss said.

“I was thinking I’d get you a gift,” he mumbled against her neck. “A new dress?”

Katniss snorted and turned in his arms to face him. “Try again.”

“Mmm, new work boots?” he asked, trailing kisses across her collarbone.

“I like the sound of that.”

“What about a trip to Ireland?”

She jerked away, putting an end to his ministrations. “Wh-what?”

“I thought you could show me where you grew up.”

“But the cost?”

“I have plenty,” Peeta promised. “I know you miss it.”

“But who will watch the farm? Take care of the bakery?”

“I’m sure Johanna and her husband will keep an eye on things. If we have to we can pay one of the neighbors. And I can close the bakery.”

“But …”

“Katniss, let me do this for you. Let me take you home. Just for a little while.”

Home. For so long, she had struggled with the word. Ireland had been her home until her mother ripped her and Prim away. Even if Peeta took her back, it would be only be a visit. Eventually she’d have to return to the states.

It had taken her a long time, but she knew now that home was more than a place. It was people. It was a feeling. This was her home now: Prim and her mother sleeping down the hall, Peeta lying beside her, his lips pressed to her skin.

Wherever they were, she was happy. Safe.

Home.

“Thank you,” she said quietly. 

There would be no more nightmares that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. This is my first completed multi-chapter for THG fandom. I don’t think I ever mentioned that the title comes from “Take Me to Church” by Hozier, a song I have listened to a million times since its release. I did a lot of research, but I also changed history whenever I needed it to fit the story. Thanks again for reading. I hope you all enjoyed.


End file.
